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Question
Posted by: Scared | 2008/10/02

SAD

Over the last 2 years my self-esteem has plummeted and i' ve become really withdrawn and depressed. At my last job my managers used to break me down and never give constructive criticism.. it was always subjective and targeted my personality and personal life. I' d just lost a dear friend, and they always used to bring him up whenever assessing me. I used to go home crying because of what they' d say to me.

Now I' ve moved to the uk and I have a new job. The people I workd with are so different and are absolutely wonderful, but I always fear that I won' t be good enough and that they' ll rip me to shreds like my last job. It' s become so bad that I get scared to draw attention to myself, and I keep quite, or talk timidly and awkwardly when spoken to. I even avoid social outings. I stutter, my whole face trembles, my mouth goes dry, i get heart palpitations and breathless... Every day I have to wake up and face my worst fear countless times a day. I constantly feel worthless, and I just want to die.

I tried getting help, but I just can' t bring myself to go back to counselling. It' s so unfair that I have to get CBT and work so hard just to be able to act normal around ppl, whereas it comes so naturally for others. I' m so tired of having to imagine myself in CBT situations before encountering a potentially frightening situation. I' m so tired. I hate myself. How can I get the motivation to go on?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What a relief to be away from those unpleasant and unprofessional ( and unskilled ) managers in your last job ! As you're in the UK, it ought to be easier to get good counselling to deal with the issues you realize. And I'd recommend the form of Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy (CBT ) that is especially good for unlearning bad habits of thought or behaviour learned in unfortunate circumstances. Its you attitude towards counselling that's unhelpful to you --- you're not getting it for anyone else, but for yourself, so you can regain what the bad guys robbed you of, and so you can enjoy your work and your life far more. And maybe motivation needs to be the first issue on your agenda with your counsellor

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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