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Question
Posted by: Chantal@CS | 2011/02/08

Rules for kids

I understand that, but the father is teaching the child to do the right thing, he doesnt listen because he listens to his mother.
She is very childish because the father doesnt even care, he will never confront her because he will only look like that bad person... he tries to show the child that he is breaking the rules by putting things on his hair... You right, the problem is not the gel, but the mother....The only person that will get hurt or learn the wrong things is the child!

What can my friend do to make this child understand that what his mother is teaching him is wrong? He will not listen!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe it's "the right thing", but this can be a matter of judgement or personal taste, and you seem to be assuming that the father is always right about everything. Maybe he is, but you sound rather emotionally invested in all this.
Lecturing to the kid that his mom mis wrong, especially as what she is doing is presumably highly agreeable to him, is useless. A man-to-half-man discussion about the problems of rules, of deciding what's right and what's wrong ; and frankly about the disagreements and difficulties between mom and dad, might help. With the assistance of a counsellor, if possible
Yes. It's Not the gel, but the gal...

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Our users say:
Posted by: So we were right!!!!!!!!! | 2011/02/08

What was so secret about this being your step son? Why describe your husband as a friend. Are you embarassed, guilty or what?
We could have refered you to the step parenting site sooner!
l think you are over reacting to gel and there is a lot more going on in this instance than teaching a child right or wrong.You seem very angry because your husband will not confront the mother.Perhaps family therapy for all of you? Step parenting is difficult and you should choose your battles carefully. The bigger issues are failing academics,drugs and sex etc.

Reply to So we were right!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Liane | 2011/02/08

Maybe post in step parenting forum.

Reply to Liane
Posted by: Liane | 2011/02/08

I have beeen following from previous posts, i am in a similar situation where my step son just does as he pleases with his mother (my hubbys ex), I swear they have no rules, its the gel, dressing like he steps out of a snoop dog video the list goes on. It actually is so bad I am embarresed to be seen with him.

My hubby obviously does his bit by telling him off about his appearance but because he lives with his mother we have little control. I just have to bear it I guess...

Reply to Liane
Posted by: Chantal | 2011/02/08

The father is my best friend and husband, we love the child to bits and just want the best for him...his mother is not acting in his best interest...Thats why I am asking for advise.

I am sure you thought im causing problems between the mother and father so that I could steal him away lol you guys are very narrow minded and cleary are NOT experts on this. I didnt ask for YOUR advise by the way. I know the mother very well because I have been married to my husband for 5 years...I had to have known her by now dont you think....Oh and I never knew her before I met him.

She has a husband and 2 kids...shouldnt she be focusing being a responsible parent and not trying to get back at my husband by teaching the child wrong??? THe CS also thinks she is dong this to annoy my hubby.

Next time, dont get involved...focus on your own stories

Reply to Chantal
Posted by: Sam | 2011/02/08

But we notice you dont deny it!
You say you know both parents very well but seem to be much closer to the father................I think we have touched a raw nerve and it explains your over investment on this issue-l think there is more to this than you are telling.
As Trace says this is half a story.

Reply to Sam
Posted by: Chantal | 2011/02/08

I dont have to explain myself, like I said, its not about me...Society has changed so much that people cant even think about being a good friend, there must always be something behind it....

Reply to Chantal
Posted by: Am l right?????? | 2011/02/08

Sounds to me like you have a thing for the father?????????

Reply to Am l right??????
Posted by: Trace | 2011/02/08

Then explain yourself properly, you cant give half a story, you need to explian how you fit into the situation to get advise on how you can help!!!

Reply to Trace
Posted by: Chantal | 2011/02/08

You guys seem to be very narrow minded about this, its not about the rules only...this is only an aspect of the situation...

Nevermind...

Reply to Chantal
Posted by: Trace | 2011/02/08

Okay so by the sounds of things you are affected too by the child not obeying rules... There is not much else the father can do other than what he is doing, but what I dont understand is why he cannot speak to hi sex, surely she is a grown woman with her childs best intrest at heart and if this is not the case the child will realise this later, I know thats no consolation for you guys right now, but good always prevails.

Reply to Trace
Posted by: Chantal | 2011/02/08

I know both parents very well. If the mother allows the child to break rules...is that OK? if the father teaches him to obey rules, is that wrong?

It does concern me, it affects me very much...But that private...This is not about me or why I am doing this. Why do I have to justify why I am doing this?

You know what, its not even about the mother, its about the child! He needs to understand what is right and wrong! his father showed him the rules, he never said to the child that his mother is wrong, he just showed him the rules!

Reply to Chantal
Posted by: Trace | 2011/02/08

Becasue you are making a mountain out of something that does not concern you, your friend is this childs father should he not be the one one seeking advise, and you keep saying the mother is this that, Do you know her presonally? How can you judge her? She is the childs mother and however she wants to parent him is her doing, REMEMBER there is always two sides to a story...

Alos if you so concerned why not tell the woman what a bad Mother she is...

Reply to Trace
Posted by: Chantal@Trace and Liza | 2011/02/08

Have you never helped out a friend before? its not a problem to me, you are you to ask? You dont even know the situation...I came to chat the the CS... You did too right? so stick to your story, not get involved with mine.

Reply to Chantal@Trace and Liza
Posted by: Liza | 2011/02/08

Don''t try and fix things with the child, when it is the relationship between the parents that is broken. The father has to force the mother to start communicating. Even if he has to go to family court...

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Trace | 2011/02/08

Chantal, why are you making this your problem?

Reply to Trace
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/08

Maybe it's "the right thing", but this can be a matter of judgement or personal taste, and you seem to be assuming that the father is always right about everything. Maybe he is, but you sound rather emotionally invested in all this.
Lecturing to the kid that his mom mis wrong, especially as what she is doing is presumably highly agreeable to him, is useless. A man-to-half-man discussion about the problems of rules, of deciding what's right and what's wrong ; and frankly about the disagreements and difficulties between mom and dad, might help. With the assistance of a counsellor, if possible
Yes. It's Not the gel, but the gal...

Reply to cybershrink

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