advertisement
Question
Posted by: Chantal4 | 2011/02/08

Rules for kids

Just a question, my friend does not allow his son to style his hair with gel or any other styling products for school, his hair is always neat ect and its against the school rules to do that...

The problem he has is that when this kid is with his mother, he wears gel to school, so he feels as if his dad is being funny to him even though he showed his son the school rules... The boy is 10 years old

What can my friend do do make this child believe that he cannot break rules, he hasnt got cought yet, but what if he doesnt get punished by the school for his hair being styled? I dont think he should be wearing gel anyways....he said his mother bought it especially for school!!! yet the school does not allow it...

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I don't remember gel use as a constitutionally protected right, but I may be wrong. In my experience, parents and headmasters, dimly recognizing that they cannot, try as they may, control what goes on inside a kid's head, try ridiculously hard to control what goes on ON that head. Maybe a Mohawk would be a bit over the top, and would limit some of his options, but hair gel is a fashion much more reversible than body piercing or tattooes.
Your story again supports my point about how important it is for parents, whether together or separated, to negotiate a set of reasonable rules and be consistent. Immediately Mom declares one law, and Pa declares the opposite, the kid learns that laws are arbitrary and silly.
And there's of course also room for conflict between the parents - maybe Mom bought the gel not so much to please the kid as to annoy Dad ?
That sounds very much like the situation. And she is thus using the kid to swipe at his father, which is to me abusive and unacceptable. Also, divorced or separated parents too easily get into a bidding war to spoil the kids and try to buy their allegiance.
It's not about Gel.
I think it's a foolish rule for a school to apply, but that's up to them. If they complain, that is an issue to deal with then. And then the boy can learn that rules developed and applied by a larger organization or society in general, are not so easy to break, whether or not they're reasonable, and are worth adhering to.
Meantime, can't Ma and Pa talk with each other and develop a common code -about actually important issues ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2011/02/10

Oh please Chantal4 get lost! Leave the child''s mom alone!
It''s obvious.... you''re jealous of her!

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Chantal@Anne | 2011/02/08

Oh yes, She does have the school rules !!

Reply to Chantal@Anne
Posted by: Chantal@ Anne | 2011/02/08

The thing is that his mother does things to spite my friend, she wants the child to be closer to her hence allowing him to do anything. He cannot talk to her...she doesnt communicate with him at all! The childs spends equal time with her than what he does with the dad...

Only the teachers can explain to her, but it has to be done infront of the child... I dont know what kind of parent she is!

Reply to Chantal@ Anne
Posted by: Anne | 2011/02/08

Maybe mom should be sent a copy of the school rules and someone should explain to her that she is not doing her child any favours by allowing him to knowingly break the rules.

He will ultimately get caught, and if he will not listen, then the only thing is to face the music and the punishment when he gets caught. Maybe somebody should explain this to mom too - that she is going to be the cause of her child to getting into trouble....... some parents.......

Reply to Anne
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/08

I don't remember gel use as a constitutionally protected right, but I may be wrong. In my experience, parents and headmasters, dimly recognizing that they cannot, try as they may, control what goes on inside a kid's head, try ridiculously hard to control what goes on ON that head. Maybe a Mohawk would be a bit over the top, and would limit some of his options, but hair gel is a fashion much more reversible than body piercing or tattooes.
Your story again supports my point about how important it is for parents, whether together or separated, to negotiate a set of reasonable rules and be consistent. Immediately Mom declares one law, and Pa declares the opposite, the kid learns that laws are arbitrary and silly.
And there's of course also room for conflict between the parents - maybe Mom bought the gel not so much to please the kid as to annoy Dad ?
That sounds very much like the situation. And she is thus using the kid to swipe at his father, which is to me abusive and unacceptable. Also, divorced or separated parents too easily get into a bidding war to spoil the kids and try to buy their allegiance.
It's not about Gel.
I think it's a foolish rule for a school to apply, but that's up to them. If they complain, that is an issue to deal with then. And then the boy can learn that rules developed and applied by a larger organization or society in general, are not so easy to break, whether or not they're reasonable, and are worth adhering to.
Meantime, can't Ma and Pa talk with each other and develop a common code -about actually important issues ?

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement