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Question
Posted by: Suzanne | 2010/01/22

Ruined Friendship

I trusted my friend to take care of my dogs for one night this week and was terribly disappointed. My one dog had surgery to her toe and the toe was bandaged. My friend only arrived at the house after 7pm and phoned me laughing telling me that there is no bandage. I was very concerned because it was an open wound and it could get infected. She did not offer to take the dog to the vet. She just played it down and said the dog was walking fine. The same evening I had called the vet who advised me to bring the dog in ASAP and I had to call my doggy sitter to take the dog in the next day. Luckily the wound was not infected. The next morning my friend was supposed to give her antibiotics and I asked her to let me know how she was doing. She never sms' d and never returned my sms until late yesterday evening. Unfortunately the doggy sitter did not have a house key. I always look after their dogs when they are away –  sometimes for up to 10 days.
What upset me more is the fact that my friend started an argument with me about our salaries. Our company is going through a very quiet time, we are not getting any new projects in and the work is getting less and less.
On the other hand my friend just started a new project and is working very hard. I do not have any job security and might not have a job by May. I wanted to empathize with my friend and said to her that it is terrible, she is working so hard and we are doing so little (compared to last year) –  and I’ m really sorry for her. She said “ Yes, and you are earning double my salary!”  Which is not true. She takes home R500 less than I do and I have Provident Fund and Medical Aid which she does not have. But, she is married and is on her husband’ s medical aid. We work in different industries, so obviously our salaries will differ. I have not had an increase in 2 years where she had 3 increases already. They are doing very well for themselves –  they stay in an estate and can afford the luxuries. I barely get through every month. I suppose it is because I earn a single income. But, that is not the point, is it?
Unfortunately we discussed salaries when I moved up here 2 years ago and it has been an issue since. It has been better for a while because my work has been very stressful and I did not enjoy it much. But, now that I have settled down and I am happy it seems to be an issue. She seemed to be happy at her job with the new challenge. Why is she making an issue out of the salaries? And that while I was having a crisis with my dog? And it was not mentioned once, but twice in the last 2 days. She has always been a very competitive person, comparing herself against other people. But, surely she does not want to have my life. I’ m single, I have Bipolar disorder that is very difficult to manage and I might be out of a job very soon. I do not feel like carrying on with this friendship, but I can’ t break off a friendship of 10 years. Do I address the issue before she says anything or do I wait for her to bring up the issue again? And what do I say to her? Why do you think she is acting this way? I will obviously make use of the doggy sitter in the future and I think they should do the same.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What atually makes you think of her as a friend, other than habit ? You havwe Bipolar Disorder, bu she seems to have more of a personality disorder, which is more unpleasant and less open to help. Don' make her important in your life. YOu don't have to create a drama of Ending the Friendship, just drift apart, have less to do with her, and expect nothing from her

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/22

What atually makes you think of her as a friend, other than habit ? You havwe Bipolar Disorder, bu she seems to have more of a personality disorder, which is more unpleasant and less open to help. Don' make her important in your life. YOu don't have to create a drama of Ending the Friendship, just drift apart, have less to do with her, and expect nothing from her

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