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Question
Posted by: Sandra | 2013/01/30

Rouprosesse

My pa is in 2005 aan longkanker dood. Hy het baie pyn gehad en hy is ''n maand nadat hy gediagnoseer is oorlede. My ma is begin hierdie jaar ook dood aan longkanker alhoewel sy nie pyn gehad het. Ek het haar vir ''n maand versorg tot ek haar noodgedwonge moes hospise toe stuur waarna sy binne ''n dag oorlede is. Sy is 3 tot 6 maande gegee en het net 3 maande gehou. Ek het nagte opgestaan vir haar, haar versorg en haar sien agteruit gaan. Ek het oomblikke waar ek totaal oorval word met hartseer maar dan dink ek gou aan my kinderdae . My kinderdae was stormagtig, my pa was aanwesig maar afwesig en my ma was weer te aanwesig. Ek en my oudste suster het swaargekry onder my ma, sy was baie dominerend, streng, en het ''n paar lelike streke in haar gehad. Sy het toe ons uit die hus uit is verander maar daar was tye en oomblikke wat ons liewers nie aan wil dink nie. Sy was partykeer ''n mislike mens. Hoe ek my hartseer hanteer, sy bly immers my ma en ek is/was lief vir haar, is dit reg of gaan dit weer in die toekoms my aan my enkels byt. Ek is gediagnoseer met maniese depressie wat ek persoonlik dink is nonsens maar gebruik Cymbalta 30g. Ek is besig om myself af te kry daarvan. Elke mens het sy af en aan dae, sommige mense se af dae is net erger as ander mense en dit is nie noodwendig te se dat dit depressie is nie. My werk is ook redelik stresvol en soms raak dinge teveel en wil ek net wegraak. Ek dink baie mense het hierdie gevoel. Raad asb, kan ek so aangaan of my hartseer te hanteer.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I know, personally, how difficult it can be to care for a loved one who is dying, but it needs to be done, and you should allow yourself to feel good about what you have managed to do.
Grief is hard work in the best of circumstances, and is often more difficult when the relationships had been difficult, so one's feelings are more mixed than usual.
Have you checked whether the hospice can't provide a grief counsellor, to help you work through all the very relevant issues you raise ?
Amtidepressant meds like Cymbalta can be really helpful with a pure depression, but less so with grief itself, which usually needs psychological help.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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