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Question
Posted by: marie | 2014/03/03

Q.

rou proses en verhouding

Ek het in die begin van die jaar n man op facebook ontmoet wat my gekontak het, dit is regtig n goeie man en baie ordentlik. Ons woon nie in dieselfde dorp nie, hyt alreeds twee keer vir my kom kuier. Die eerste afspraak was bietjie n woes gevryery, dinge is gedoen wat my laat spyt kry het later alhoewel daar nie seks was nie. Die eintlike probleem is dat die man 14 maande gelede sy meisie aan die dood afgestaan het en rou nogsteeds en is besig met berading. Nadat ons so vinnig weggespring het, wil hy dit nou stadiger vat, hy se dit is n rou proses en hy wil sy alles vir my gee en dit help nie om rush nou in n verhouding in nie. Elke keer as hy hartseer is oor die vrou wat dood is en nagte wakker le steek dit soos duisende messe deur my. Dit voel of ek nie n plek in sy lewe het nie. Ek sukkel regtig met geduld wanneer dit by verhoudings kom. ek wil nie die man verloor nie maar ek weet ook nie hoe om die situasie te hanteer nie. ek wil geduldig wees. ek voel dit was onregverdig van hom om my op hom verlief te maak terwyl hy nog nie gereed is nie. hy verseker my wel dat hy n pad met my wil loop, ek weet ook dat hy nie n rokjagter is nie. Hy se hy voel iets vir my. Hoe moet ek die situasie hanteeer want ons het al baie baklei en ek probeer hom druk. maar ek gaan hom wegjaag so.

Expert's Reply

A.

Expert ImageCyberShrink
- 2014/03/04

Folks, PLEASE realize Facebook and similar sites are NEVER and never will be, a reliable way to meet good people. Many people there exaggerate or even fake who thy claim they are. Especially as he lives in another town, you do NOT know if he is who he says he is, or if he is as good as he says he is. Be cautious. If indeed he was bereaved, he should complete his counselling before climbing into a new relationship, especially if he is as keen on the "woes gevryery" activities.
Its never rwally wise to get emotionally involved with someone still working through the grief of the death of a loved one, or still working through a divorce or being dumped.  They're not emotionally available to you in the way you need.
But though he should have revealed his state from the start, did he really make you get fond of him or were you, for your own reasons, eager to do so ? He didnt MAKE you love him. Cool off and take it slowly, so you can each discover what would be best for each and both of you

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