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Question
Posted by: Eve | 2012/06/04

Room-mate vs Partner

A friend of mine just started a new job and needed to be closer to also save on traveling costs. I offered my place for a while until she finds altenative place. My partner on the other hand is not comfortable with this arrangement and won''t visit me whilst my friends still lives with me. I''m trying to help a friend while my partner won''t buy it.

Please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Clarify what's going on and what each of you is expecting of the other. Its not a good idea to invite someone to stay with you open-ended and without agreeing on terms - specify, in conversation with her, how long you expect her to stay, maybe 2 weeks - otherwise if can drag on for months and longer, and spoil the friendship. Presumably she's staying with you until she can find a place of her own ? Or does it suit you to share the costs and the place with her indefinitely ?
Presumably if your partner ordinarily lives with you, even if the lease is in your name, he would expect you to have consulted him, and your friend's stay is indeed meant to be strictly temporary. Maybe he feels inhibited sexually and emotionally, by having a stranger ( to him ) living with the pair of you ? Again, there are no external right answers anyone else can give you, you need to discuss this between you and make the fairest decision available to you

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Gracie | 2012/06/04

I would also feel put out if I were your partner - maybe he feels that you (as a couple) won''t have the privacy you had before! You should ask your friend to give you a definite answer on how long she will be staying. Don''t allow this to cause problems with your partner. Maybe your partner realises that her stay may be indefinite and that is why he is reacting the way he is? Did you discuss this with him before you invited her to stay or did you spring this on him only afterwards? My brother-in-law used to sleep over at my house occasionally when he was having problems with his girlfriend and I must admit, I hated the idea of having to change the way I did things because there was another man in the house! No the same situation as yours, I know, but annoying nevertheless!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: XXX | 2012/06/04

He is being childish but I also think you need to have a timeframe on how long she stays,unless you are happy for her to stay longer.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/06/04

Clarify what's going on and what each of you is expecting of the other. Its not a good idea to invite someone to stay with you open-ended and without agreeing on terms - specify, in conversation with her, how long you expect her to stay, maybe 2 weeks - otherwise if can drag on for months and longer, and spoil the friendship. Presumably she's staying with you until she can find a place of her own ? Or does it suit you to share the costs and the place with her indefinitely ?
Presumably if your partner ordinarily lives with you, even if the lease is in your name, he would expect you to have consulted him, and your friend's stay is indeed meant to be strictly temporary. Maybe he feels inhibited sexually and emotionally, by having a stranger ( to him ) living with the pair of you ? Again, there are no external right answers anyone else can give you, you need to discuss this between you and make the fairest decision available to you

Reply to cybershrink

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