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Question
Posted by: jean | 2010/09/17

romance

Hi.i am 20 and my bf is 23.we used to have a good sex life with a lot of foreplay which made me realy wet.but lately he has changed.we almost dont have any foreplay.just some kissing and then he goes straigt to the point.its not romantic and i dont like it.i dont even get wet at all.i feel really sad about i feel as if i am used.i tried to tell him but but he doesnt really care.all he does is just some kissing and its obvious that all he cares is his own satisfaction only.i am so confused.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Perhaps you need to try and discuss this again with your partner. Men can generally become ‘goal orientated’ when it comes to sexual intimacy. It is important that he understands that just as he gets an erection when aroused, enabling penetration to take place, in the women arousal results in lubrication (‘wetness’) and swelling of the genitals. This ensures that sex is pleasurable and painless. Initially in a relationship, this state of arousal for women is reached much quicker, but after a while more time needs to be spent on ‘foreplay’ as you mentioned. Sometimes it is difficult to discuss these things and it is hard to communicate your feelings, but worth it. Perhaps it may help to guide him during sex to areas which feel good for you and which help with arousal. Hopefully having explained more fully, he will become more responsive to your needs.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Horny Guy | 2010/09/20

Hey Women, yes i am the real Horny Guy. Why do you ask?

Reply to Horny Guy
Posted by: two-stone | 2010/09/18

You had me at " Woman"  at the top of your letter.............

Reply to two-stone
Posted by: Sexologist | 2010/09/18

Perhaps you need to try and discuss this again with your partner. Men can generally become ‘goal orientated’ when it comes to sexual intimacy. It is important that he understands that just as he gets an erection when aroused, enabling penetration to take place, in the women arousal results in lubrication (‘wetness’) and swelling of the genitals. This ensures that sex is pleasurable and painless. Initially in a relationship, this state of arousal for women is reached much quicker, but after a while more time needs to be spent on ‘foreplay’ as you mentioned. Sometimes it is difficult to discuss these things and it is hard to communicate your feelings, but worth it. Perhaps it may help to guide him during sex to areas which feel good for you and which help with arousal. Hopefully having explained more fully, he will become more responsive to your needs.

Reply to Sexologist
Posted by: Sexologist | 2010/09/18

Perhaps you need to try and discuss this again with your partner. Men can generally become ‘goal orientated’ when it comes to sexual intimacy. It is important that he understands that just as he gets an erection when aroused, enabling penetration to take place, in the women arousal results in lubrication (‘wetness’) and swelling of the genitals. This ensures that sex is pleasurable and painless. Initially in a relationship, this state of arousal for women is reached much quicker, but after a while more time needs to be spent on ‘foreplay’ as you mentioned. Sometimes it is difficult to discuss these things and it is hard to communicate your feelings, but worth it. Perhaps it may help to guide him during sex to areas which feel good for you and which help with arousal. Hopefully having explained more fully, he will become more responsive to your needs.

Reply to Sexologist
Posted by: jean | 2010/09/17

great.thankssssssssssssss :)

Reply to jean
Posted by: Woman | 2010/09/17

How about:"  You know that little black lace number you like so much on me? Well, I got up this morning and thought of you taking it off tonight. I''m thinking of that all day long. And your tongue, drawing circles on my stomach...." 

What do you think, gentlemen, would that get you thinking hot steamy thoughts about her?

Reply to Woman
Posted by: jean | 2010/09/17

well it may seem funny but can i ask whats to write in an sms.the one u toldme abt? just what to write?

Reply to jean
Posted by: Woman | 2010/09/17

If you''re open, and he doesn''t like it, then he''s not Mr. perfect :) Then you call it quits, lick your wounds, and call it a practice round. I lived like this even when I was single. I did it for myself. My Mr. wrong did not appreciate who I was, and I was so scared to try again, but in the end I did, so I am not sad today that I ended it. Incidentally, we had the same problem as you -my libido is high, and he was fine with twice a week. (and off course all the other things that make an ex an ex!)

And I can promise you, life is just sooo much more fun when your libido''s match! And when you open yourself like that to someone and it''s reciprocated.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: jean | 2010/09/17

Oh amazing how u can get it so right.thats all i need to learn and i am trying.i am really trying.but i have some little fears in being very open and seducing as he is only my bf not my husband so i am afraid he may not understand well.
hey u had a blog here right? can we talk sometimes if u dont mind?

Reply to jean
Posted by: Woman | 2010/09/17

Well, I have always been a fan of the adage: Be a chef in the kitchen, a lady in company and a whore in the bedroom. Those three rules have gotten me the man I want. And it''s not as if I act. I really am. I converse well in company, I always look like a million bucks (even in the days I bought from pep!), I do not wear old underwear, I only wear lace, satin etc. My Vay-Jay is always nice &  smooth. I learnt how to cook and we eat gourmet every night. I do yoga, I look after my health and my body and my mind. I am comfortable with who I am and what I am and at peace with my faults. I''m curious and learn new things all the time.

I send my husband erotic emails and smses, I seduce him regularly, I spice things up. And he can''t wait to get home, I can tell you that!

It''s not difficult when you realise that you are a desirable woman anyway, but being educated in these things makes you exceptional, believe me.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: jean | 2010/09/17

Hi woman.thank you for reply i realy appreciate what u say as u always seem very knowledgable and understanding.The thing is that he is so much good for me in any way.we r totally equal in relationship and he is a very caring person.we share almost everything and we understand each other very well.after all we really love each other otherwise i wouldnt bare it even once.i dont think i can find someone who will be so comfortable for me.and our sex life was good to until this point.we have overcome many problems and i want to overcome this to,just dont know how.

Reply to jean
Posted by: Woman | 2010/09/17

Jean, if I have learnt something in my life, it''s not not waste your time when somebody isn''t satisfying you. I would rather be 100% happy on my own that 50% happy with someone. At 23, you still have lots of time to find Mr. Perfect, but if you keep hanging around Mr. barely good enough, you''ll never get the opportunity to meet Mr. perfect.

And hey, what does it matter if you have to kiss a couple of frogs, it''s fun and you learn a lot about yourself in the process. Don''t take a selfish man too seriously, you always deserve respect. Do you have his respect as an equal in your relationship?

So, Horny guy, are you the real horny guy or the guy previously know as the horny guy?

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Horny Guy | 2010/09/17

Jean i agree with The above two comments. What are you going to do?

Reply to Horny Guy
Posted by: jean | 2010/09/17

i think i have spoiled him

Reply to jean
Posted by: A woman | 2010/09/17

I would also look into the possibility that he is seeing someone else, as is normally the case if a guy that age starts behaving that way

Reply to A woman
Posted by: two-stone | 2010/09/17

has he found someone else maybe?

Reply to two-stone
Posted by: Horny Guy | 2010/09/17

You are still young, have you considered moving on? You dont want to be having these problems later on when you are married.

Reply to Horny Guy
Posted by: jean | 2010/09/17

anyway its not a way.i hurdly feel anything now.
well i told him but he didnt take it serious.just went ahead.

Reply to jean
Posted by: Horny Guy | 2010/09/17

Did you talk to him about the problem? Should you refuse him how are you going to satisfy your needs?

Reply to Horny Guy
Posted by: jean | 2010/09/17

so what do u advise to do? i think if it goes on like this i will have to refuse him.

Reply to jean
Posted by: Horny Guy | 2010/09/17

I dont understand how people can be so selfish. Jean my girlfriend is excatly the same as your boyfriend???

Reply to Horny Guy
Posted by: XXX | 2010/09/17

A man gets aroused a lot quicker than a woman.This does not mean that foreplay should be discarded.
You must ask him in a nice way that you need and want foreplay.He is simply being selfish.

Reply to XXX

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