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Question
Posted by: Elizabeth | 2010/09/29

rolling stone

I have a husband who has never wanted to stay long in one place. In his working life he would change jobs and after a few months he would want to resign. We moved house many times. Everything would be fine and then suddeny he would be fed up with the place where we would be living and I would think " here we go again" . I have packed and followed so many times I have lost count. Now we have reached the end of the road. We have a house in a retirement village. We are living comfortably, the surroundings are beautiful, he has good meals, a loving wife, children who have done well in the world. But he says he hates this place and he wants us to move on. I have always controlled the finances as he is not good with money, so I have the power to stop us moving again but I want him to be happy. Even if we did move away from our present environment he would only he happy for a short time. What would you say is the best way to handle this. It''s no good trying to discuss it and point out what a good life we have here. He says, " Well you might like it here but I don''t." 

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I wonder what excuses he gives for wanting to resign ? Sounds like someone who wants to move on to excuse failing at the job, to go before anyone can ask him to leave. Or someone who refuses to take responsibility for his own discontent, and prefers to blame everything he doesn't like on Where he is, assuming falsely that he would feel better elsewhere.
Don't get tricked into thinking that though you have financial control, you must somehow move on now when he again wants to scratch his itches - it WILL NOT make him happy - it has never made him happy before, why would it do so this time ?
Simply remind him that you have spent a lifetime of moving, and he hasn't allowed himself to feel happy ANYWHERE, and unless he changes this bad habit, he won't feel happy wherever else you might go.
As Me and soul so wisely say, remind him that you have compromised time and again to try to satisfy him, and now it is his turn to compromise to make you happy.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Soul | 2010/09/29

Tell him to think about your happiness for a change instead of himself. You have allowed it to go on so it''s going to be very difficult to get him to seattle in one place. He needs to consider your wants and needs not only his own.

Reply to Soul
Posted by: me | 2010/09/29

one word-selfish

Tell him that at his age you would think that someone like him would realise that a relationship is sometimes about compromise your whole life you have moved with him now on your old day he should grant you both the opportunity to settle down and just enjoy your life.
He is a grown up tell him straight.

Reply to me
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/29

I wonder what excuses he gives for wanting to resign ? Sounds like someone who wants to move on to excuse failing at the job, to go before anyone can ask him to leave. Or someone who refuses to take responsibility for his own discontent, and prefers to blame everything he doesn't like on Where he is, assuming falsely that he would feel better elsewhere.
Don't get tricked into thinking that though you have financial control, you must somehow move on now when he again wants to scratch his itches - it WILL NOT make him happy - it has never made him happy before, why would it do so this time ?
Simply remind him that you have spent a lifetime of moving, and he hasn't allowed himself to feel happy ANYWHERE, and unless he changes this bad habit, he won't feel happy wherever else you might go.
As Me and soul so wisely say, remind him that you have compromised time and again to try to satisfy him, and now it is his turn to compromise to make you happy.

Reply to cybershrink

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