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Question
Posted by: Johnno | 2011-08-29

Roles in sexual initiation

Hi,
For years now my wife and I have had a great sexual life. I have a problem with the fact that I have to always initiate any sexual intercourse. I have spoken to her about it and told her it makes our relationship seem totally one-sided.
Nothing has changed, and in the last month, I have not initiated any intermacy and guess what, no sex for the last month. I really feel that she should also initiate intercourse.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Johnno, this is quite a common complaint. There may be a number of reasons for your wife's lack of initiation, including social role perception (some women believe that it is a sign of promiscuity to initiate), or less libido/sexual appetite than you and so she doesn't feel driven to initiate. You are right to discuss this with her and try to understand what her reasons are for not initiating - but do make sure that you are not making allegations that are unfair - eg. is the WHOLE relationship one-sided, or just the sexual initiation part?

Claire- SASHA

For further information please consult SASHA’s website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Nonni | 2011-08-29

Women are the hunted, not the hunters. If it is not in your wife''s make up to initiate, you are just causing undue and unnecessary friction where there would otherwise be none.

If you want it, go get it, and dont cause sh!t about it. Worry if she refuses you, because then you really do have a problem

Reply to Nonni
Posted by: XXX | 2011-08-29

Provided you are getting sex regularly and both are enjoying it,does it really matter who initates !

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Sexologist | 2011-08-29

Johnno, this is quite a common complaint. There may be a number of reasons for your wife's lack of initiation, including social role perception (some women believe that it is a sign of promiscuity to initiate), or less libido/sexual appetite than you and so she doesn't feel driven to initiate. You are right to discuss this with her and try to understand what her reasons are for not initiating - but do make sure that you are not making allegations that are unfair - eg. is the WHOLE relationship one-sided, or just the sexual initiation part?

Claire- SASHA

For further information please consult SASHA’s website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com

Reply to Sexologist

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