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Question
Posted by: Bubbly | 2010/04/06

Retrenchments vs Friendships???

Good day doc, i need some advice please?? over the past year i have become good friends with a woman at work (im also female and this is just pure platonic friendship). We started going to the gym after work, and she really supported me during a break up with my then boyfriend. i used to visit her and her hubby a lot over weekends and we used to shop and coffee etc together. Lately we have started a retrenchment process at work. we are both in the same dept, there were talks that my post and hers would have been combined into one post. In the meantime management has decided that the posts will not be affected anymore, so we will continue as before. Now this is the trouble part. i now found out, and actually she said it out loud, that she was hoping to be appointed in my " the"  position as she hated her job and i can clearly see the dissapointment in her, she has also changed her attitude towards me and have become very b1tchy.... i do not know how to handle this situation. i thought we were friends, but she had other plans. Please give me advice?????

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its sad when an employer creates such fraught situations in which friends are pitted against each other. Maybe you also hoped to get the combined post ? That in itself isn't unreasonable. But I see no reason for her to be bitchy about the outcome now, as she might have been out of a job altogether. All you can do, if the opportunity arises, is to talk with her and say frankly that you find her changed atitude towards you hurtful and unreasonable, and would like to understand it and work to improve things. If she is unwilling, then maybe the friendship is indeed over, and you'll need to move on

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: monkeysex | 2010/04/06

seems like her true colors are appearing, good thing in the long run at least now you know you cant trust her.

Reply to monkeysex
Posted by: Liza | 2010/04/06

If neither of you are being retrenched, why does she still have a problem? Competitiveness in the workplace can lead to nastiness like this if it seems like not everyone can win. Since she has changed her attitude, I think that you should change your attitude too and ignore her. Be polite, but if she gets nasty - don''t sink to her level. You do not need ''friends'' like this because they''re not true friends. More like used-to-be friendly acquaintances. It isn''t always easy to ignore the nastiness, but if you can, management will notice and if the retrenchment process is started again, they''re more likely to get rid of her than you.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/04/06

Its sad when an employer creates such fraught situations in which friends are pitted against each other. Maybe you also hoped to get the combined post ? That in itself isn't unreasonable. But I see no reason for her to be bitchy about the outcome now, as she might have been out of a job altogether. All you can do, if the opportunity arises, is to talk with her and say frankly that you find her changed atitude towards you hurtful and unreasonable, and would like to understand it and work to improve things. If she is unwilling, then maybe the friendship is indeed over, and you'll need to move on

Reply to cybershrink

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