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Question
Posted by: Desperate wife | 2012/03/09

Retrenched but not looking

My husband was retrenched a year ago. He is not applying for a job - when asked he says he''s blocked. We are now deep in debt and he is asking his mom for money. I''m not sure what to do. If I ask he says " I can''t talk about it now"  or " I know it''s all about the money with you" . If I press the issue he says " I know you would start being rude to me now that I''m not working" . I feel manipulated by this. He seems to think that the house of cards won''t come down because he has faith in himself. But we have no money, a bond to pay and a child at university to support. I have just been retrenched as well and am now getting desperate about the situation. What can I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

"blocked" is no excuse, unless he means he is constipated, for which there are easy and cheap remedies. It is never any excuse for running deeply into debt and borrowing money. This is in no way an indicartion of him having any faith in himself, merely an empty excuse for not trying.
After retrenchment, one may feel very much wounded, and it may be fair to allow a lonth or two to lick one's wounds, but not a year of self-pity and excuses.
With a bond to pay and a child at university, and a family to support, of course its about money. Make it clear to him that his first priority must be to get ANY work that brings in money and gets his confidence and the good habit of working, back - then he can work towards improving the job, the earnings, and the attractiveness of the job. Otherwise consider your options for moving back to your parents or out on your own, and leaving him to enjoy having "fath in himself" alone, untill he wakes up and smells the poverty he is causing others

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/09

"blocked" is no excuse, unless he means he is constipated, for which there are easy and cheap remedies. It is never any excuse for running deeply into debt and borrowing money. This is in no way an indicartion of him having any faith in himself, merely an empty excuse for not trying.
After retrenchment, one may feel very much wounded, and it may be fair to allow a lonth or two to lick one's wounds, but not a year of self-pity and excuses.
With a bond to pay and a child at university, and a family to support, of course its about money. Make it clear to him that his first priority must be to get ANY work that brings in money and gets his confidence and the good habit of working, back - then he can work towards improving the job, the earnings, and the attractiveness of the job. Otherwise consider your options for moving back to your parents or out on your own, and leaving him to enjoy having "fath in himself" alone, untill he wakes up and smells the poverty he is causing others

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