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Question
Posted by: Emerentia | 2011/08/10

Re:Threat or not

I just found out from his sister that yes, he did date her before we were married. When i ask his sister why then he married me not her she ask if I want the truth. I said yes. She said this woman left him because she wanted to go overseas and study and he couldnt take it. I did not go to study. My sister-in-law also said that he did not think she will make a good wife and mother but now she is all that. She is now a big success and I cant even talk to her without feeling silly though she is very nice but everybody always want to know what she does and my husband will always brag about her. He now have a problem with how I talk and our house and everything. I asked him about her and he said she will never be interested in a man like him. Her husband is nice and though there were stories about her having a affair with another proffesor he won''t believe it.
My husband have pictures of her but with other people so I cant acuse him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This sounds as though he is treating you badly and selfishly, with no consideration for your feelings or needs. Did he use you as a substitute for the girl who got away, and now wants to switch back because she's now available again ? Though you've been given some suggestions about why he might currently want her - why would she want him ? Maybe he's right that she wouldn't now want a man like him.
Marriage counselling ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Caro | 2011/08/10

I suggest you ask your husband if he''s interested in counseling. The other woman may be the one that got away but it doesnt sound like they were cut out for each other anyway. He would still probably feel threatened by her and is just impressed with what she achieved. You should decide if you want to work on what you have although you said in your previous post that there were problems before. If this other woman knows of your problems and if she is seeing your husband she probably does, dont you think that she would have lured him away from you by now if she was really interested. Successful woman want successful men or at least men who dont feel threatened by them.
She sounds like the type of woman who wants a man who would always look the other way and that doesnt sound like your husband. She needs someone who gives her freedom to do as she pleases but who is there to support her. do yu really think your husband fits the bill? If he did, she''d have made her move by now. Work on what you have and get him to respect you more.

Reply to Caro
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/08/10

This sounds as though he is treating you badly and selfishly, with no consideration for your feelings or needs. Did he use you as a substitute for the girl who got away, and now wants to switch back because she's now available again ? Though you've been given some suggestions about why he might currently want her - why would she want him ? Maybe he's right that she wouldn't now want a man like him.
Marriage counselling ?

Reply to cybershrink

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