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Question
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2009/11/25

Restraining Order

Hi CS,
The police lost the restraining order and the cases I had against him were defended by his lawyers and without any interaction with me with closed. I am going to get another restraininig order and start over with everything.
I just want to say to Debbie, if she reads this that my children come first and I will do anything for them. I have contemplated the worst, including killing the man as that seems to be the only way that I will know for sure he will be out of our lives but it isn' t an option because my children will loose more then, so don' t be so quick to judge. It is not as simple as you seem to believe to get rid of someone when you already have hangups and the person is extremely volatile, he explodes for the smallest things and destroys things. He will destroy my car for example and I have been without one for almost 2 years now, and it is not the best but it goes and I don' t want him to damage it and the property I am at I am renting, I don' t want him setting it on fire and stuff like that, he has said he will, he has said he will snipe me from a distance and there is constantly threats, even when he is miles away, the threat remains. I have moved, changed my number, etc. with no luck. He is very manipulative as well and is very charming to others, they like him and he puts on this air until he has you in his web.
Yes, CS what he did to me was rape, it ain' t the first time. I have even tased him and he still kept going.
Btw I have knocked him over with my car too, but it had no affect. I can tell him I hate him and want nothing to do with him, no affect, no matter what there is no affect.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi BT,
I shoulda guessed that the police would have lost their copuy of the restraining order ( or would claim this as an excuse ) - what irresponsible negligence ! Yes, get another order, and have multiple notarized copies made and lodged with helpful people as well as the police.
It is high time the police were required ( make sure the court this time klnows about the police failure in this regard ) to enforce the order scrupulously. Maybe he needs some time in prison to remind him that obeying such and order, and leaving you alone, is something he must do, and not optional.
And explore, perhaps with the court's advice, making a criminal case for sexual assault against him.
The details you continue to supply are so disqueting. It sounds as though he almost enjoys your resistance. I wish POWA was more active and helpful in situations like yours, when a stalking abusive ex-partner is genuinely dangerous

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Bee | 2009/11/25

BT, Sounds like you are in a desperate situation. please try to move to another province, sell up everything and get away. Get the restraining order in place, an attorney who can lodge things on your behalf and dont install a home phone. Do you not have male family that can put him in his place? Sometimes a good hiding from a man will teach a coward to keep his hand off a woman.
I will pray for you as I know what anguish and fear you are going through. My mother married my stepdad and he was utter trash, although not as bad as your situation.

Reply to Bee
Posted by: MOM | 2009/11/25

I feel for you, I really do because as a Mom i have seen my son do the same to his ex and it is shocking. The police lost the restraining order and eventually is was done. an assault charge has just gone missing.....very frustrating so I know what you are going thro. My son and i dont talk anymore - his choice cause I did not believe his side of the story.....this has been the worst year of my life.....will pray for you and your family.

Reply to MOM
Posted by: Woman | 2009/11/25

It sounds like you are going through hell! Have you tried opening a criminal case for sexual assault against him? Then you can have him arreste d. You actually can do it, it falls under spousal abuse.

My advice to you at this stage would be to move to another city, you change your number, you change your name, surname &  the children' s. This would mean that you will not be able to see your family for a while, so it will be hard if they don' t know where you are. It is extreme, but it seems as if you are in an extreme situation. Doing all this, is what many women in your circumstances have done. There are organisations who can help you with this.

I can understand that you would turn to some kind of drug - the alcohol - to cope with, but you know that this is the wrong thing to do. The right thing to do is to take all the power this man is trying to take from you, and to use it for your children. You know you can do anything for your children, including starting a new life.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/25

Hi BT,
I shoulda guessed that the police would have lost their copuy of the restraining order ( or would claim this as an excuse ) - what irresponsible negligence ! Yes, get another order, and have multiple notarized copies made and lodged with helpful people as well as the police.
It is high time the police were required ( make sure the court this time klnows about the police failure in this regard ) to enforce the order scrupulously. Maybe he needs some time in prison to remind him that obeying such and order, and leaving you alone, is something he must do, and not optional.
And explore, perhaps with the court's advice, making a criminal case for sexual assault against him.
The details you continue to supply are so disqueting. It sounds as though he almost enjoys your resistance. I wish POWA was more active and helpful in situations like yours, when a stalking abusive ex-partner is genuinely dangerous

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/25

Hi BT,
I shoulda guessed that the police would have lost their copuy of the restraining order ( or would claim this as an excuse ) - what irresponsible negligence ! Yes, get another order, and have multiple notarized copies made and lodged with helpful people as well as the police.
It is high time the police were required ( make sure the court this time klnows about the police failure in this regard ) to enforce the order scrupulously. Maybe he needs some time in prison to remind him that obeying such and order, and leaving you alone, is something he must do, and not optional.
And explore, perhaps with the court's advice, making a criminal case for sexual assault against him.
The details you continue to supply are so disqueting. It sounds as though he almost enjoys your resistance. I wish POWA was more active and helpful in situations like yours, when a stalking abusive ex-partner is genuinely dangerous

Reply to cybershrink

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