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Question
Posted by: anni | 2011/09/19

restless

im having really bad relationship trouble. in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. we are both still studying. he is becoming a doctor. we love each other alot, but we are constantly fighting over just one issue. a girl that likes him. shes in his group, i dont trust her etc, and he knws all ths, i am insecure because he lies alot and i catch him in his lies, he lies to prevent fights. and now he is going alone for 3weeks away to rural area with her. he left yday. i cant stop crying, i feel restless and cant sleep. any advice pls. i really love him and do not want to lose him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I'd guess part of the problem would be, if he is indeed a medical student, that he would not have control over their allocation into groups, nor would he be able to control whether she likes him or not. What he can control is how he responds to her fondness or approaches ( if any ).
Many people, maybe even more so men, tell what they consider to be white lies, to avoid conflict and fights.
It really sounds as though the primary problem may lie in yourself, in a serious lack of self-esteem and self-confidence. Seeing an individual counsellor ( maybe through student health ) would help you gain normal confidence in yourself and your ability to sustain a relationship with a guy who actually likes you, even if a dozen other women threw themselves at him. And then maybe some sessions of couples counselling could help how you work together to solve such areas of conflict.
The way you describe yourself as behaving is itself FAR more likely to drive away any man, than the presence in class of another affectionate woman.
It doesn't sound anything like certain that there is actually anything real between this other girl and him. What do you expect him to do about this - leave medical school ? Storm into the Dean's Office and insist on being placed in another group ? Realistically, concentrate on making your own relationship with him so pleasant and stress free ( few things humans do is as stressful and tiring as medical school ) that he wouldn't want to look at anyone else.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/09/19

I'd guess part of the problem would be, if he is indeed a medical student, that he would not have control over their allocation into groups, nor would he be able to control whether she likes him or not. What he can control is how he responds to her fondness or approaches ( if any ).
Many people, maybe even more so men, tell what they consider to be white lies, to avoid conflict and fights.
It really sounds as though the primary problem may lie in yourself, in a serious lack of self-esteem and self-confidence. Seeing an individual counsellor ( maybe through student health ) would help you gain normal confidence in yourself and your ability to sustain a relationship with a guy who actually likes you, even if a dozen other women threw themselves at him. And then maybe some sessions of couples counselling could help how you work together to solve such areas of conflict.
The way you describe yourself as behaving is itself FAR more likely to drive away any man, than the presence in class of another affectionate woman.
It doesn't sound anything like certain that there is actually anything real between this other girl and him. What do you expect him to do about this - leave medical school ? Storm into the Dean's Office and insist on being placed in another group ? Realistically, concentrate on making your own relationship with him so pleasant and stress free ( few things humans do is as stressful and tiring as medical school ) that he wouldn't want to look at anyone else.

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