Our expert says:
OK, so, as I suspected, he had an abusive mother who taught him to be like this, in self-defense. Unless and until he chooses to work sincerely with a proper therapist on all these issues, he will have problems with expressing affection and with discipline, raising kids, and so on. He has never had the model of what a good mom, like you, looks like, and without being able to express why it bothers him, may feel uneasy because you are so unlike her ( and congratulations for being unlike her ).
Sounds from his behaviour as though he is, rather sadly and pathetically, trying to be a Supermom to the child, and by trying too hard to not be as neglectful as his mother was, is being infantilizing and over-controlling instead. An extreme in the opposite direction that is just as lacking in benefits. But what a tragic image, of him insisting in a grotesque way that the child be over-protected, over-coddled, and to receive a permanent overdose of what he got none of.
He sounds driven, and extremely demanding of himself - perhaps what his mother expected of him, too ? Compared to the abusive comments he may have received, he may genuinely not see the criticisms he expresses to you as hurful at all.
And draw accurate conclusions - it's not that "men", in the sense of all men, find it hard to be affectionate. Men often find i harder than women beause they have been brought up NOT to do it ; and in his case, you are talking about a seriously damaged little boy still struggling with the impossible task of trying to please his abusive mom.
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