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Posted by: Carol | 2010-11-15

Response to Post 970

Thank you so much for your advise everybody.
CS, now that there has been so much of this cell phone " pornographic"  recordings that have happened since he committed this terrible act, he is so fearful that he is going to be arrested and put in jail. He has built up such a fear of policeman that he gos into fits of panic even if a cop van rides passed him on the road - He fears they are tailing him etc. etc. Last night, I lost it and asked him f he is demented or psychotic - I believe he should see a counselor to work through this but who can I ask just so that I can convince him that he CANNOT be arrested?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe some legal advice would be helpful - isn't there a Statute of Limitations that might apply here ? And if he was also under-age, and if she has made no compliant, surely any prosecution would be more than unlikely. I wonder whether he may not be either obsessing about this, or even somewhat paranoid ( paranoia may be about totally unreal threats, or partly real ones ). A psych assessment would be useful in deciding which way to go. His expectation of prosecution may arise more from his guilt and any logical reasons, so it may not be practical to simply reason him out of this
And yes, if she was on top of him, it's hardly rape. It may be useful for him to keep a copy of the video, as it would probably clear him in the extremely unlikely event she decided to try to complain after all this time.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Carol | 2010-11-15

Hi Lisa

That was my exact questions to him - Was she been held down, was she drugged and he tells me (much as I did'nt want to hear it) - she was on top of him in the video and was laughing/smiling.

I am getting so irritated with him because I feel he is being pathetic but he say''s I dont understand how he feels that someday she might chage the story etc. but as I said to him, the video will tell it like it is. He must just come to terms with what he did and ensure that he never does something like this again - which he sincerely will never do again. I am definitely going to suggest some form of counseling just so that he can become ratlional/logical aout it.<br>Liza, thanks for helping me through this.

Reply to Carol
Posted by: Liza | 2010-11-15

When this happened, he wasn''t 18 yet. The girl was 16 and could legally give consent. At this stage he can only be arrested if the girl goes and lays a charge of rape against him. Why would this girl only do that now - 6 years later? Even if she does lay a charge - the only evidence now is the video recording. Does the recording show that she resisted? Does the recording show that she might have been drugged? If it doesn''t show either of these things, the girl will be laughed out of court - so why would she WANT to rake up the past? Especially since she''s probably currently in a relationship and won''t want her current partner to know how promiscuous she was!

It''s a good idea for him to go see a counselor to work through his feelings. He feels unreasonably guilty and needs to make peace with himself and forgive himself. Counseling is the best way to do this.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-11-15

Maybe some legal advice would be helpful - isn't there a Statute of Limitations that might apply here ? And if he was also under-age, and if she has made no compliant, surely any prosecution would be more than unlikely. I wonder whether he may not be either obsessing about this, or even somewhat paranoid ( paranoia may be about totally unreal threats, or partly real ones ). A psych assessment would be useful in deciding which way to go. His expectation of prosecution may arise more from his guilt and any logical reasons, so it may not be practical to simply reason him out of this
And yes, if she was on top of him, it's hardly rape. It may be useful for him to keep a copy of the video, as it would probably clear him in the extremely unlikely event she decided to try to complain after all this time.

Reply to cybershrink

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