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Question
Posted by: A | 2011/12/13

response to post 632

thanks CS and Maria,

I guess what I failed to mention is that this 16yr old has had the birds and bees discussion with his dad, this is also a focus in his school curriculum, (I know this as I help with assignments) He knows the pros and cons of his actions,

What pisses me off is the respect this boy has for my house, for me as the mother figure in the house and the example this will set for my daugther going forward in her teen life.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Ah, but neither the birds nor the bees have their own room.Most parents, and certainly most teachers concentrate on the biology, on what goes where and how the process works, rather than on the important issues of how and why, faced with this new potential and these new urges, one might both want to control and decide clear-headedly what one wants to do, and when, and whether - how to withstand peer pressure., and so on. So they may even know what they should do, without necessarily knowing how to do it when the opportunity, arises.
OK, let's think some of your concerns through. Unless your daughter walked into his room with you and saw everything ( and even then she still might not understand what happened ) she will probably only know whatever you tell her. SO you are in control of that situation. And an Awful example can become eventually a basis for a useful discussion.
I'm sure your son, daft though he was on this occasion, hadn't a thought in his mind of having or showing any lack of respect for you and your home. I'd be more worried with the broader issue of making bad choices and of impulsivity and lack of precautions. I hope he used condoms ; but there;s a strong suggestion of lack of thought and simple sense in not locking the door.
Kids tend to expect privacy in their room, and unless we suspect they are making bombs or hoarding weapons, that's probably worth respecting - usually the issue is one of masturbation, but a polite parent always knocks before entering, just as you would wish them to do before entering your bedroom, even if you were doing nothing more sleazy than tidying a cupboard.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2011/12/13

A parent''s job goes much further than explaining the mechanics of sex. A parent must transmit values around sex, respect for yourself and others, and taking responsibility for the consequences of your actions.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: kk | 2011/12/13

Ja CS is right, you don''t just go budging into othere people''s rooms. At least now you know!!!
Am I sensing some jeolosy on your part, the sight might have made you really horny yourself and now you pretend to be upset...ha ha.
16 yr olds are having sex, whats new about it.

Reply to kk
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/12/13

Ah, but neither the birds nor the bees have their own room.Most parents, and certainly most teachers concentrate on the biology, on what goes where and how the process works, rather than on the important issues of how and why, faced with this new potential and these new urges, one might both want to control and decide clear-headedly what one wants to do, and when, and whether - how to withstand peer pressure., and so on. So they may even know what they should do, without necessarily knowing how to do it when the opportunity, arises.
OK, let's think some of your concerns through. Unless your daughter walked into his room with you and saw everything ( and even then she still might not understand what happened ) she will probably only know whatever you tell her. SO you are in control of that situation. And an Awful example can become eventually a basis for a useful discussion.
I'm sure your son, daft though he was on this occasion, hadn't a thought in his mind of having or showing any lack of respect for you and your home. I'd be more worried with the broader issue of making bad choices and of impulsivity and lack of precautions. I hope he used condoms ; but there;s a strong suggestion of lack of thought and simple sense in not locking the door.
Kids tend to expect privacy in their room, and unless we suspect they are making bombs or hoarding weapons, that's probably worth respecting - usually the issue is one of masturbation, but a polite parent always knocks before entering, just as you would wish them to do before entering your bedroom, even if you were doing nothing more sleazy than tidying a cupboard.

Reply to cybershrink

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