Our expert says:
It sounds like you are both struggling with unhelpful 'rules' which limit your sexual expression!
I think you have said all the right things, it's now up to him what he does with this. He may need to discuss this with a professional to try to overcome this block. One idea that sprung to mind, however, comes from an idea in Esther Perel's book "Mating in Captivity" - turn it on its head a little and play at being his prostitute - tell him you want R200 (or whatever) to give him a good quality blow job or something like that, or even having him watch you masturbate yourself (I know this sounds 'wrong', but this may not be true for you if it's in the context of sexual play with him)...the idea is to free him from his fear of disrespecting you...this could work, but maybe it's more complex than that.
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