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Question
Posted by: Kay | 2010/11/15

Resentful

Hi Doc
I suffer from depression and am currently on 20mg cipralex. I have worked through most of my feelings with my shrink but there is one thing that keeps cropping up.

I am extremely resentful of my husband. When I hear of my friends or family having bought a new house or had a baby, I am really happy for them but horribly resentful towards my husband.

My husband has lost almost all our money through gambling and even though I try to be supportive and get us back on our feet, i am just very very angry.

Please can you advice me how best to deal with my feelings?

Talking to my husband does not help and just worsens the problems. makes him feel worse as well.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If your husband is an irresponsible gambler causing severe problems for the family, its not surprising or abnormal for you to feel resentful of his behaviour, especially if he has made no meaningful attempt to stop this. No treatment, including cipralex, will or should stop you from feeling reasonably annoyed.
He should seek proper help for his repeated bad behaviour, to change this bad habit. Supporting him in ways that enable him to continue gambling is actually not helpful.
Depending on how he gambles, have him banned from reachable casinosand maybe other gambling set-ups, and push him to get involved in proper treatment for his habit. Merely being angry, as you have found, isn't useful, but it is fair and important to push him firmly towards acknowledging that he behaves badly in ways that harm you as well, and that he needs proper help to deal with it.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2010/11/15

Is your husband getting any help for his gambling addiction? Does he admit that he has a problem? Or does he still go gambling?

If he''s trying hard to overcome his problems I can understand why your resentment is a problem. If he isn''t trying to overcome his problems - the resentment is natural and will probably eventually lead to divorce.

Have you tried to deal with the problem during couples counseling? Sometimes it''s better to deal with the problem when you have an objective third party to mediate.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/15

If your husband is an irresponsible gambler causing severe problems for the family, its not surprising or abnormal for you to feel resentful of his behaviour, especially if he has made no meaningful attempt to stop this. No treatment, including cipralex, will or should stop you from feeling reasonably annoyed.
He should seek proper help for his repeated bad behaviour, to change this bad habit. Supporting him in ways that enable him to continue gambling is actually not helpful.
Depending on how he gambles, have him banned from reachable casinosand maybe other gambling set-ups, and push him to get involved in proper treatment for his habit. Merely being angry, as you have found, isn't useful, but it is fair and important to push him firmly towards acknowledging that he behaves badly in ways that harm you as well, and that he needs proper help to deal with it.

Reply to cybershrink

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