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Question
Posted by: Rio | 2011/10/17

RE:POST 735 CHEATING

Subject: RE: Cheating
Posted by: RIO | 17/10/2011
WE HAVE DECIDED TO TAKE YOUR ADVISE IN TERMS OF A MARRIAGE COUSELLOR, COULD YOU PLEASE GIVE NUMBERS OF COUNSELLORS AROUND PRETORIA PLEASE.

THANKING YOU IN ADVANCE


Subject: Cheating
Posted by: Rio | 6/10/2011

hubby and i have been married for 11 yearsand since i''''''''ve met him he has always been one to drink and party till late and i had made peace with it until a couple of months ago when it got worse and it led me to believe that he may be cheating.i told him my fers and he just dismissed me until i was using his phone bacause i did not have airtime and i saw that he was sending i love you messages to this number on his phone. when i asked him he first lied and said someone was using his phone until he saw that he did not have a choice and because i had also went to his mother to seek advise then he confessed and told me that it has not been that long and because we were constantly fighting he decided to seek a distraction and it was never serious.

this whole situation has left me feeling so hurt although he has apologised and i still love him i am so hurt and frustrated, i feel he has betrayed our family our vows our happiness. thre are days when i feel fine but there are days like today when i feel so horrible and cry all the time and i think how could he tell someone that he loves her, what drew him to her, what do i lack, what am i not doing or did not do and because i have the number shoul i CALL THE SO CALLED GIRLFRIEND JUST TO LET HER KNOW THAT I KNOW WHAT SHE DID WITH HIM or not, not that i am going to attack her just to have closure and let her know that i know because i know she did not approach him and even if she did my husband should have been wiser. please help me as i am battling everyday and i feel less of a woman i have even taken my wedding band off as i feel it does not represent what i used to believe.WILL I EVER GET PAST THIS AND HOW WILL I?
THANK YOU




EXPERT''''S REPLY
Subject:
Posted by: Cybershrink | 8/10/2011
Drinking and partying until late is a really immature way of behaving, and entirely selfish, especially for a married man. Whether or not he is gaving an affair - has he any convincing plans for acually growing up any time in the foreseeable future ?
There is no possible excuse for sending "  I love you"  messages to anyone, not even his mother. Lying is not justified either, and "  as a distraction"  is no excuse. If there is conflict within a relationship which a couple can''''t solve by working on it together, one seeks the help of a marriage counsellor, not a mistress.
Don''''t blame yourself or accept blame, and don''''t accept empty promises that its over or wont happen again. Insist on him joining you in proper counselling.
Otherwise "  closure"  will be denial, without nothing bad having actually been properly closed. It''''s not about finding ways for YOU to "  get past this"  its about together placing it in the past and making a shared future together

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

For various good reasons I can't recommend specific shrinks or counsellors. However, there's a good national organization, FAMSA, which will be in your phone-book, which can help you find marriage and couples counsellors around South Africa, and within reach of you. You've made a good decision, and the counselling should help you both to make sensible and fruitful decisions.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/10/17

For various good reasons I can't recommend specific shrinks or counsellors. However, there's a good national organization, FAMSA, which will be in your phone-book, which can help you find marriage and couples counsellors around South Africa, and within reach of you. You've made a good decision, and the counselling should help you both to make sensible and fruitful decisions.

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