Our expert says:
Your dificulty in finding an answer may be because you are asking the wrong question(s). Is it entirely up to you to tell the husband ? No. But it's allowed, and may still be a good idea. Ask : Does the husband deserve to be told ? Probably yes. Who then would tell him ? Probably not either of the two lovers. Now, if you fear the husband ( who I thought you had suggested was a nice and peaceful guy ) may be dangerous or violent towards the children, his wife or your cuz, then maybe telling him would be risky. But is he likely to find out anyway ? Are the two really likely to manage to keep this a secret forever ? Unlikely. Would he react worse to finding out on his own, or if someone else told him, than if you told him ? What do you think ?
He'll be all the more angry if he confronted her before and she lied her way out of it, and even blamed him into feeling guilty - so that's a really lousy tactic on her side.
If you have been collecting evidence for some time, apparently you have been assuming it will be necessary to prove this at some stage.
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