advertisement
Question
Posted by: Very Concerned | 2010/04/14

Reply To Cybershrink on Secret Love Affair

Dear Doc

Thanku so much 4 ur reply! I need2 know if it really is up to me 2 tell her Hubby? in order for them2stop? as I fear that something major is gonna happen when he has proof of her infidelity. I fear for her- his- my cuz’  and the lives of her 2 children whom I love very much. I strongly believe that their affair will come out in the open eventually, I just don’ t want the consequences on my conscious. Her hubby is a good man,who never physically harmed her, but he’ s the kind of man who’ ll lost it completely when he has proof that she in fact does cheat on him(as he suspected them in the past and went ballistic,but she lied her way out of it, and even made him feel guilty afterwards) he wont be able2 handle it, if he finds out he’ s been makn a fool of all this time… and every1 else knew about it. If I just let “ cuz”  move out, then they can have the freedom to continue with it,(if they still choose to) without any more interference from me and hubby, that way, they cant blame us for whatever happens in future(cos I feel it in my gut that it’ s gona be a “ messy one” ). And with us trying everything in our power to get them to stop, only makes it more exciting for them and more eager to continue.

I have all the evidence needed to proof their affair(photos,videos,sms’ s, mms’ ,letters), so I know he’ ll have no other choice but to believe it’ s true, but will I live with my conscience after that??

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Your dificulty in finding an answer may be because you are asking the wrong question(s). Is it entirely up to you to tell the husband ? No. But it's allowed, and may still be a good idea. Ask : Does the husband deserve to be told ? Probably yes. Who then would tell him ? Probably not either of the two lovers. Now, if you fear the husband ( who I thought you had suggested was a nice and peaceful guy ) may be dangerous or violent towards the children, his wife or your cuz, then maybe telling him would be risky. But is he likely to find out anyway ? Are the two really likely to manage to keep this a secret forever ? Unlikely. Would he react worse to finding out on his own, or if someone else told him, than if you told him ? What do you think ?
He'll be all the more angry if he confronted her before and she lied her way out of it, and even blamed him into feeling guilty - so that's a really lousy tactic on her side.
If you have been collecting evidence for some time, apparently you have been assuming it will be necessary to prove this at some stage.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: Very concerned | 2010/04/15

thank u so much for your replies, it all makes sense.

Reply to Very concerned
Posted by: Barby | 2010/04/15

I am sorry for what you are going through. Its tough being " stuck in the middle" , but I agree with Whena! Good luck, its easier for us to say...:-)

Reply to Barby
Posted by: Whena | 2010/04/14

My feeling is that he MUST move out. I would give him the ultimatum either move out or I WILL tell her husband.

I would not otherwise tell the husband

Reply to Whena
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/04/14

Your dificulty in finding an answer may be because you are asking the wrong question(s). Is it entirely up to you to tell the husband ? No. But it's allowed, and may still be a good idea. Ask : Does the husband deserve to be told ? Probably yes. Who then would tell him ? Probably not either of the two lovers. Now, if you fear the husband ( who I thought you had suggested was a nice and peaceful guy ) may be dangerous or violent towards the children, his wife or your cuz, then maybe telling him would be risky. But is he likely to find out anyway ? Are the two really likely to manage to keep this a secret forever ? Unlikely. Would he react worse to finding out on his own, or if someone else told him, than if you told him ? What do you think ?
He'll be all the more angry if he confronted her before and she lied her way out of it, and even blamed him into feeling guilty - so that's a really lousy tactic on her side.
If you have been collecting evidence for some time, apparently you have been assuming it will be necessary to prove this at some stage.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement