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Posted by: Jennifer | 2011-10-03

Reply to Cybershrink - Married Ex

We broke up because I felt that we were not ready to get married after all (I still loved him) and he wanted more kids than we had discussed (I didn''t). He was heartbroken. I tried to break all contact. His wife looked me up before the wedding (hard act to follow she said). We got on well. I wished them well. I was still hurting. I never went to the wedding. He said he was totally in love with her (and run after him she really did) and she got pregnant within a week of getting married (apparently). I ignored the invites and went once to see their little boy. We remembered birthdays. We chatted about once a year and sent regards to respective partners. He came over for dinner and there were other friends and my parents there. I do not know if that constitutes an affair since we hug (and I hug all my friends male or female). I guess he has lots of other women then since they were all there too and his wife was quite happy for him to join us as she went to see her father. We had that discussion a while ago on the phone but agree that he must work on his marriage. It has been bad for about 3 years. I broke up with my ex about 2 years ago although he stayed with me another year to get on his feet by mutual agreement. My married ex and I call ourselves friends but everyone says that his feelings for me are obvious. Clearly this was only recently since we only see each other about every 8 months or so and never alone. I am very fond of him he makes me laugh. So does my ex that now returned to France. And no I do not want an affair with him (neither does he want one with me) and I would not take him back either. I hurt my own ex on the rebound but in my case I told my ex I was still hurting over my break-up. My married ex said his love for this woman felt so real and wonderful and then along came the babies. Really, where to know. Just totally not speak to him again?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Thanks for the further information. Rather an unusual situation in some ways. He sounds somewhat impulsive ? We're not talking about an affair, at least not physically. But there seems to have been a degree of emotional intimacy he might not share with his current wife ?
It sounds curious if she pursued him, yet sportingly called you before her wedding, and if she both encourages his contact with you, and also apparently ( if I'm understanding you correctly ) also other women in his life.
Has he really changed since you were with him, or have you changed enough to look differently upon him ?
I grow more confused. You don't want an affair with him, and don't want him back - what, then, DO you want ? An ongoing friendship with occasional public meetings ? Isn't that what you already have ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anne | 2011-10-04

I agree with CS, what is it that you want? If you dont want an affair and dont want him to leave his wife for you, then what exactly?

I think his wife is going through life with blinkers on and she should open her eyes and take a look around and see what is actually going on, because he is going to end up ibetween the sheets with you eventually if you two carry on, a marriage is going to end up in shreds. What concerns me more is the kids lives that are going to be shattered in the process.

You dumped him. Leave him alone now to get on with his life and focus on his family.

I am confused about the other woman in his life? Has he already cheated on his wife with them? Is he going to cheat on his wife with them? If yes to any of the above, he can cheat on you too.

Reply to Anne
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-10-03

Thanks for the further information. Rather an unusual situation in some ways. He sounds somewhat impulsive ? We're not talking about an affair, at least not physically. But there seems to have been a degree of emotional intimacy he might not share with his current wife ?
It sounds curious if she pursued him, yet sportingly called you before her wedding, and if she both encourages his contact with you, and also apparently ( if I'm understanding you correctly ) also other women in his life.
Has he really changed since you were with him, or have you changed enough to look differently upon him ?
I grow more confused. You don't want an affair with him, and don't want him back - what, then, DO you want ? An ongoing friendship with occasional public meetings ? Isn't that what you already have ?

Reply to cybershrink

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