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Question
Posted by: repellant | 2011/02/01

repel people

Hi Doc
I recently realised that every friendship i have had (no matter how close we were) has ended either by me or the other person. My best friends from grade one dropped me the minute we started high school (very traumatic for me and i still cant get over it). we were a bunch of girls and they all stayed together and ignored me when got into high school and to think we were all close during our primary school years. anyway i stayed back a year and made new friends which lasted till matric, there was a misunderstanding between me and the other girls but i have now tried to make contact and they agree to meet up with me, but when it comes to the day they make up excuses and we never meet. I have tried making coffee arrangements with other people like old school friends and my hairdresser but they either dont respond or they cancel with some stupid excuse. I dont understand why i repel people like this. On facebook i have 198 people as ''friends"  which are people i have met throughout my life, but none of these people want to meet up with me. Is there something i am doing? should i stop making coffee arrangements with these people and wipe them out my life. What i dont understand is how can they still be friends with each other and not with me. I am definitely not a bitch. i am very giving and i like to help where i can. What is wrong with me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Talking about friendships between 2 people, isn't it usual that they'd be ended by one or both of that couple ? You seem to be referring more to group friendships, groups of pals, which have perhaps at some times rejected or extruded you ? But I don't hear anything that convinces me that you "repel" people - just that you may be looking to the wrong people, with unrealistic expectations.
Facebook "friends' are entirely fictional, and should never be confused with actual friendships.
You sem to be mainly looking backwards, expecting endurin friendships with peopole you have known in the distant or recent past, perhaps reluctant to make new friendships, and maybe looking too much towards groups, than individuals ?

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: same situation | 2011/02/02

i''m went through exactly the same situations since primary school,up till 2 years back, i''ve lost so many friends,and i''m not a very caring sweet person, i also used to ask myself what''s wrong with me until i took a long hard look at myself and realised that i was too desperate...for friendships,and too easy to walk over because i would do anything for my friends. you should start being your own best friend,be confident in yourself, and expect nothing less then what you give. if you cant make yourself happy or be comfortable and satisfied with your own company, you will never be able to make someone else happy. People are most attracted to happy confident people who are fun to be with.

Reply to same situation
Posted by: Friend | 2011/02/01

I am willing to be a true friend to you.

Reply to Friend
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/01

Talking about friendships between 2 people, isn't it usual that they'd be ended by one or both of that couple ? You seem to be referring more to group friendships, groups of pals, which have perhaps at some times rejected or extruded you ? But I don't hear anything that convinces me that you "repel" people - just that you may be looking to the wrong people, with unrealistic expectations.
Facebook "friends' are entirely fictional, and should never be confused with actual friendships.
You sem to be mainly looking backwards, expecting endurin friendships with peopole you have known in the distant or recent past, perhaps reluctant to make new friendships, and maybe looking too much towards groups, than individuals ?

Reply to cybershrink

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