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Question
Posted by: Bernina | 2008/06/11

Relationships with ex-wives/husbands

We have moved to the same area as my husbands ex-wife. 2 children were born out of their liaison. They are 25 yrs and 22 yrs old now. We get on pretty well but on mothers day my husband left me at home to do washing and he spent the day with his sons and the ex-wife having a braai. I asked him if she was at the braai and he said 'no' but i discovered that she was there. She adopted a 5 yr old girl and my husband has said that this child can call him daddy. My daughter goes with him to their home if he needs to pick the boys up but i have yet to meet with the ex-wife. I couldnt care less about any of this but cant help wondering if my husband still cares about her. The ex-wife wants us to have a braai on sunday and I just dont feel like going but i dont want to let the boys down. Where should the line be drawn with regards to ex-husbands/ex-wives? I am all for everyone being happy though.

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Our expert says:
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N and Just Me make excellent sense.

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Posted by: Just Me | 2008/06/11

Ex is still my best friend - that's why I married her in the first place! We still fight from time to time, its part of the reason we're divorced!
My new partner has made peace with all of this. The response by N is spot on. If you are not included, then there's a definite problem.
I never had to do any of the spade work, as the Ex and my new partner met up with each other over time, and just sorted themselves out!
There is no line Bernina...some folk make these situations work, and others don't/can't. My kids have never been happier since everyone sorted out their differences, and got on with life. Hope this helps.

Reply to Just Me
Posted by: N | 2008/06/11

As long as you are included in the relationship with the ex and you can accept that they have a history together, it should be fine. If you are excluded, there's a problem. Also do remember that if they were married for a few years there are certain habits regarding the way they communicate, which might be upsetting to you if you are a sensitive person. Fact of the matter is they got divorced for a reason and that reason seldom disappear to such an extend that there's a possibility of reconciliation. I've seen a lot of couple that fight like cat and dog when married, but once divorced they become the best of friends - for this to be true, there must be no unresolved issues or feelings from both parties.

Reply to N

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