Posted by: Guilty or not | 2009-02-20

Relationships: How do I handle this new

How do I handle this new situation. We have a couple (great friends), she has come to stay with us for this week. Her partner is very insecure (like I am) and she is like my partner (normal-not giving any signs of being horrible) there are just certains things she cannot tell him, as then he freaks out and it really is for nothing, cause I have seen it, so I also understand my partner a lot from hearing her side of things. Anyway last night she decided she was going to go out and meet up with some other friends, I cannot stop her, but she said she will not be able to tell her partner as he will freak out (which I understand - cause even though all is innocent, I would have done the same if it was my partner). I told her I will leave the key for her, maybe she should just go for an hour. So off she went. We woke this morning to find she did not come back, obviously decided to just stay with these friends. My dilemna now is that my partner is pissed off (cause now he is put in a positions with her partner if he asks anything) but now I am getting the blame. He says " oh your friend didn' t come home"  oh so while the cats away the mouse will play"  He is making out like it is my fault. Meantime I said to him "  well it makes it worse for me actually because her partner is insecure like me, now she has to keep secrets, so I am thinking this is maybe what you do"  - Now it has ended in an argument and I have done absolutely nothing! I am pissed off with her - Do I tell her exactly what happened? What do I say to my partner?

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Posted by: Bill | 2009-02-20

I agree with Really, if my wife had to cover for someone else, I would always have that doubt in my mind when she goes out alone etc, condoning a friends innapropriate behaviour will bring about insecurities, so To gain trust and cancell out the damage done already you have to tell her partner, very hard to do but if you value your own relationship I think there is no other way out! Maybe kicking her out will also work.
Good luck and do what is right for your relationship, not what is right for hers!!!!

Reply to Bill
Posted by: Keo | 2009-02-20

Nice way of putting it Really!

Reply to Keo
Posted by: Really | 2009-02-20

When I go out sometimes, I don' t always tell my partner where I am going... we are not living together.... That does not mean I am out catting, it just means, I am an individual and can sometimes go out without needing to tell him my everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry move. He sometimes does it, that does not mean we love each other any less or that we don' t trust each.

In my opnion, the only thing that is wrong is for her to stay at your house and not come back and now you have to find ways of not telling her partner that she slept out and worse she didn' t tell him she would be sleeping elsewhere but your place..... it' s wrong and you need to tell her, and tell her to tell her partner or tell her otherwise you will tell him (and if so then do it). It will save you alot of hurt feelings.

Asure your partner you had no idea she would do it, otherwise, should it happen the in future you need to go away to a friend without your partner, he might think that you would do the same and your friends will cover up for you. That' s why I think you should be the one to tell your friends partner what she did!

You don' t have to know all her other friends, surely she doesn' t know all your other friends or does she???

Reply to Really
Posted by: Paula | 2009-02-20

Honestly, if her personal life is gonna mess up yours and your relationship i suggest you let them go asap coz she obviously doesnt have respect for you or your relationship....ja you are right, she is a true friend ...

Reply to Paula
Posted by: Guilty or not | 2009-02-20

Wow you guys, no way, yes I trust my friend immensely. I have known her many years and I know her partner (he is extremely jealous and he freaks out for the tiniest thing) In all the years I have know her she does not cat around - she is not like that at all -But yes she should not have done that to me -

Reply to Guilty or not
Posted by: Yea ! | 2009-02-20

Going out to meet " some friends" , " don' t tell my partner"  it' s all innocent"  according to you. Do me a favour, surely you can' t be that naive to believe that she was not out to meet with someone special. Did you ask her why she never came home and who she was with ? You will probably find she is busy moving away from her partner and you are now going to be involved because you have covered for her. I would carefully consider my future with someone as devious as that.

Reply to Yea !
Posted by: Phew! | 2009-02-20

That is certainly some story You could make a whole Soap Opera out of it ! Seriously, I think your so called friend is really no friend at all. She is using your good hospitality to do what she wants to do and by all accounts she is catting around. I would tell her that you will never provide that sort of cover for her again and she must leave immediately. Tell your partner that you really had no idea she was going to do that to you and that it will never happen again ' cos she won' t be staying again. If her partner asks your partner " :What' s up"  I think he should just tell a plain lie and not get involved.

Reply to Phew!

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