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Question
Posted by: Guilty or not | 2009-02-18

Relationships - am I just being stupid

Thank you for the messages - yes I am insecure, very very insecure. I have spoken to him about it - he knows this very well. This woman from the past, is because I was doing wrong in the past and then she tried to console him. And no it is not a new thing going to the beach.
I do not know how to change and not be insecure. There is / has been no indication of him wanting to have an affair. I do have low self esteem and no self confidence. I do not know how to change this? Our past goes way back and I am always the one to hurt him - not the other way around - and none was intentional (all alcohol related - which I obviously couldn' t handle then).

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, work with a ounsellor to repair your self-confidence, and then work together with a marriage counsellor to repair the relaionship. If he neeed consoling in the past, because of somethingg you did, and she consoled him, you had a double reason for feeling uneasy when they met, but probably not much reason to assume anything wrong. Counselling, especially of the CBT type, is likely to be very helpful to you

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Our users say:
Posted by: Ditto | 2009-02-19

I know exactly how you feel, I have been in the same position, I too have no self confidence and am extremly insecure. I know thatmarriage counselling wont help because hubby won' t go. I too am worried about a third person I know hubby still has contact with now and then,but won' t tell me about up front. I spend my days in fear of him leaving me, constantly worrying and trying not to let it show. I wish I could stop.

Roxy I will try and look for the books.

Reply to Ditto
Posted by: Guilty or not | 2009-02-18

Thanks Roxy, everything you say is true - I know that, it is just hard to put into action.

CS - what is CBT type????

Reply to Guilty or not
Posted by: Roxy | 2009-02-18

Start reading self help books on boosting your self-esteem. Joyce Meyer' s books are great! I also had an insecure personality but after reading books on that it made me feel and act better about my self. I think in your mind you think you dont deserve him and you havent forgiven yourself yet for your past actions. He may have forgiven you but you havent forgiven yourself which makes you act even more insecure. You may be thinking (without realizing it) that he will find someone else because in your eyes you dont deserve him. Truth is that your thoughts may not be the truth, so stop believing it is, talk about it, work through past issues and move on. Maybe you havent really worked through your past actions within you, and this may be the reason you are acting insecure and feel doubtfull. Do something for yourself that would make you feel better and healthy....go to the gym, surprise your guy with a picnic on the beach, act different and concentrate on your positive and best assets. Good luck

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