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Question
Posted by: James Dunn | 2011/10/19

Relationships

I would like to know how to deal with my clinginess towards my girlfriend? because it feels like I am really dependant on her to feel good etc...... Also I get upset if she doesn''t always just talk to me only... Like i am terrified to lose her and because of my behaviour I''m really pushing her away.... Help!!!!!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Clinginess is indeed a real problem within many relationships. And its not just that it can be very annoying to the person getting clung to, as such needines is unsettling, but it makes your own happiness, which really must be your own responsibility and something you can generate within yourself, a hostage to other people - letting someone else, her in this case, have the power to make you feel good or bad. And wanting her to talk with nobody but you, well, that sort of possessiveness is also very bothersome to any partner, as such inappropriate jealousy always leads to problems. You're so right, that when one tries so desperately to avoid losing someone, you may well actually push them away.
Obviously, cousnelling would be the best idea, as it will help deal with not merely these problem behaviours, but also lack of self-esteem and self-confidence, and other relevant issues.
You have already made the first, essential step, bu recognizing the problem. Without that, nothing could have helped. Now work with a counsellor on sorting this out, and you can find happiness and secure relationships.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: james | 2011/10/21

so how do i go about to improve our communication and so on????

Reply to james
Posted by: H | 2011/10/20

Other problem to me is that there is rarely a relationship where both people feel the same towards one another, one person always feels more and wants more attention and affirmation, and the other person gets all the positive feedback and feels in control and thus do not feel the need to reach out. it is mostly not deliberately. The one reaching out feels more excitement in the relationship but is also frustrated in being not getting enough attention, while the other person is in control but also feels a bit bored. Where this imbalance is, it is normally a vicious circle, it grows worse, it will cost a lot of work from both persons to improve the situation.

Reply to H
Posted by: James | 2011/10/19

thanx u guys... i''ll use the advice..... really means alot.... now wer to start lol .....

Reply to James
Posted by: A girl too | 2011/10/19

It''s not necessarily immaturity- it''s also insecurity (and that happens at any age). But " A Girl"  is right that it will pass.

Try occupy your time when she is with her friends or something- play playstation or go out with your friends.

Reply to A girl too
Posted by: A girl | 2011/10/19

its called immaturity, when you older and start to enjoy your space you will realise what a fool you were. Dont worry it will pass maybe you girlfriend will pass by too as girls are generally more matured than guys.

Reply to A girl
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/10/19

Clinginess is indeed a real problem within many relationships. And its not just that it can be very annoying to the person getting clung to, as such needines is unsettling, but it makes your own happiness, which really must be your own responsibility and something you can generate within yourself, a hostage to other people - letting someone else, her in this case, have the power to make you feel good or bad. And wanting her to talk with nobody but you, well, that sort of possessiveness is also very bothersome to any partner, as such inappropriate jealousy always leads to problems. You're so right, that when one tries so desperately to avoid losing someone, you may well actually push them away.
Obviously, cousnelling would be the best idea, as it will help deal with not merely these problem behaviours, but also lack of self-esteem and self-confidence, and other relevant issues.
You have already made the first, essential step, bu recognizing the problem. Without that, nothing could have helped. Now work with a counsellor on sorting this out, and you can find happiness and secure relationships.

Reply to cybershrink

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