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Question
Posted by: Anon1 | 2010/09/02

Relationships

Dear Cyber Doc,

I would really appreciate it if you could assist me please. I''ve been going through a number of abuse all emotional and most recent physical with an ex boyfriend. At the moment I''m trying my utmost to get out of a sickning relationship with a married guy. He followed me home from work. He also drove passed my house to check if i''m home. He doesn''t want to leave me and I''m scared that he''ll do something to me. I''ve received expensive gifts from him and doesn''t know much about him only that he also went through abuse himself and that''s how we got connected because we''ve met at a clinic which we went to sort out our issues. He was admitted because he took an overdose and I was there because of toxic relationships. I came out worse from the clinic. My life feels overbearing and out of control because of the choices i''ve made. Please help me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like you have been very unwise in your choces of relationships, such as choosing a married man ( such relationships very rarely turn out happy ). If you have reason to fear this guy is mobsessed with you and if h has threatened you in some way, you could consider going to the police and seeking a protection order from a court.
I agree that, from the sound of it, the clinic doesn't seem to have helped you much to either avoid or get over toxic relationships. But a more skilled therapist might be able to help with that task.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Anon1 | 2010/09/03

Dear Cyber Doc,
Thank you very much for your response. I almost want to say getting involved with a married man was not worrying to me at that point because I thought it would all just vanish once I''m out of the clinic. Unfortunately I was wrong. The relationship was nothing sexual at first but intense and very draining emotionally. I gave him attention because I knew that he was suicidal and I thought I could help by just listening to him. I knew I had to tell him that i''m not interested in a platonic relationship because I was emotionally unstable to be in any relationship but I didn''t do it I was too weak. I was fighting my own battles which was very serious being raped by my ex and also having to deal with threats that he would kill me. It was very taxing on my spirit. The married man in a bizarre way I thought understands and because of our abusive backgrounds we could be supportive to each other. I was very wrong in my way of thinking and yet I feel sad because I cannot help him or myself for that matter. Things got out of control when we left the clinic. He asked me for pictures of myself every day. He wanted naked pictures and with undies and sex talk. The fantasies from both of us were put in text messages. It became scary and yet I entertained it. It was obvious to me that he wants to have an intimate relationship which I wasn''t ready for. He wanted to hear my voice every single day and he wanted me to promise that I''m never gona leave him. It is all crazy but i''ve made these promises half heartedly. I told my family about this man and I think that they all fed-up with me getting involved with these type of guys. I''m very worried because somehow I am drawn to them. I''ve gone for therapy before and still have a lot to deal with. I''ve been trying to cope for a while now and my therapist schedule is so tight and never has a convient time slot for me. I''ve managed to jot down some of my feelings in a note book and it helps. I wouldn''t want these kind of relationships to repeat again in my life. Thank you!

Reply to Anon1
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/02

Sounds like you have been very unwise in your choces of relationships, such as choosing a married man ( such relationships very rarely turn out happy ). If you have reason to fear this guy is mobsessed with you and if h has threatened you in some way, you could consider going to the police and seeking a protection order from a court.
I agree that, from the sound of it, the clinic doesn't seem to have helped you much to either avoid or get over toxic relationships. But a more skilled therapist might be able to help with that task.

Reply to cybershrink

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