Our expert says:
Some people, male and female, collect hurts and grievances like other people collect stamps. And when upset, they draw out their album, and remind you of each matter, hurtful or petty. Maybe, though, you could usefully alter your technique/ You speak of "every time I try to BLAME him for something" --- why does it have to be a blame game ? You blame him, so he digs out something to blame you for, and off it goes. Rather, firstly, if the matter really isnt important, drop it and ignore it. If it is significant, then rather ask him to join you in discussing the probem ( NOT assigning blame for it ) and explore how it might be prevented from happening again, what each of you might to do prevent it. Not a discussion of "You did that !", but more of "When this arises again, I could do this, if you would do that". <br>And try reversing his process, by having a collection of Good times you both had, and in a calm time, bring up GOOD things from the past, maybe starting with some where he can feel proud and appreciated, and thus luring him into the habit of using the past as a source of good feelings rather than bad excuses
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