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Question
Posted by: bee | 2008/10/10

Relationship worry

Im in a committed relationship and have been for the past 8 months. I live an hour away and am moving jobs to his area soon but will still be living an hour away and so will be commuting on the days I dont stay with him. We have discussed moving in together but will only do so when the time is right. There are some issues in the way of doing that presently and besides, I do believe in not jumping into anything too quickly.

Evrything is great, we declare our love for each other constantly. He reassures me all the time that we are committed adults who can handle being apart every few days.

Why do I feel such a pain in my chest, such worry, when we are apart. I cant stand it and its all I can think of.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Distance | 2008/10/11

Im also in a long distance relationship at the moment. 8 hour time difference with an ocean keeping us apart. it is not easy and we have very nearly given up. Our worst problem to conquer at the moment isnt the distance its not knowing when we will see each other again. Im waiting on my permanent residence and shes waiting on a visa and so its been going for 8 months now. We have no other alternatives but to wait, if you honestly love a person enough time and space shouldnt be a destructive factor. Yes the need for human contact is something we all crave, but maybe im old fashioned and i believe there is still some good in life that i have to hold on and keep trying. Speaking over the phone and the internet sometimes makes it even harder. but like Jay said all you can do is let things run its course and only time will tell. The only constant we ever have in life is change. Hope for the best and dont let the worst affect how you feel about someone.

Reply to Distance
Posted by: Jay | 2008/10/10

I know that it sounds difficult but the only thing to do is relax and let things be and happen as they must. You are there to enjoy eachother and trust me you will drive yourself crazy pondering on stuff lke that all the time. Been There....
Just let it happen and unfold.

Reply to Jay
Posted by: bee | 2008/10/10

it drives me insane - Im so in control of everything that goes on in my life except this one area where there are these ' unknowns'  - Im not a huge risk taker.

mmm ... maybe ive just answered my own question!

Im going to ask you some questions...

Do you let your man know how you feel?
Does he have a solution cos obviously a long distance relationship cant be that way forever (or can it)?
Do you trust him (I dont think I have any trust issues as Ive always been the type of girl who believes that if a man wants to cheat on me then he isnt worthy anyway.)?
Do you obsess about what the future holds?

Ive also been told to be patient as he thinks we have the most amazing future ahead of us? But I find the waiting so difficult and Im scared my anxiety about ' where are we'  is going to ruin everything....

Im battling to behave like an adult and its tearing me up inside.

Reply to bee
Posted by: Me | 2008/10/10

I am hardly coping girl. He keeps asking me to be patient but I am running out of patience. Sometimes a phone call is just not enough - you need flesh and blood, it' s not co-dependency as far as I think. Hang in there, you will find a job and all will be OK.

Reply to Me
Posted by: bee | 2008/10/10

Well thats what makes me think Im being silly. As its only an hour apart we see each other every weekend and twice sometimes more a week.

But it doesnt detract from the fact that when Im not with him I freak out.

Why do I freak out? When I think about it its the fact that the future is uncertain - ie. I would be much happier if I could ' see'  where we were in 3 months time. And then also just being apart really stresses me out, to the point that I cant concentrate on anything else. Is it anxiety? Is it a dependency problem? IS it just insecurity? As much as I try and rationalise these feelings - I soon slip back into a state of panic about our relationship.

How do you cope?

Reply to bee
Posted by: Me | 2008/10/10

Lucky you - 1 hour apart. We are 12 hours apart, CT and JHB. To tell you the truth, I am very close to throwing in the towel.

Reply to Me

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