Posted by: BBKing | 2009-09-21

Relationship with wife and children

I am a 55 year old married man for 26 years -3 children aged son 26 -son 24 and daughter 19
About a week ago I found out that my wife and children sit and drink and smoke together I was totally freaked out and caused a major scene wlth cursing and threats to boot
It is now a week later and we hardly speak to each other
My question (a) Am I being unreasonabl,is this the new world which have left me behind or am I justified in my behaviour
I drink but do not smoke
Please advise because I must either get over with it and try and restore relations or get the hell out of this marriage,because clearly I see myself as an outsider here.

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Our expert says:
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Its not clear from yoru message what specifically about this discovery has so enraged you. Is it just that they were spending friendly time together without your knowledge and participation ? Or that they were drinking and smoking together ? It sounds as though the discovery has left you feeling excluded or a second-class family member. This is not a situation for giving up and walking out, nor does rage help. It will have to be resolved, one way or another, with calm family discussion, whether you can manage to achieve this together on your own, with the aid of some other family member, or with the aid of a family counsellor ( eg through FAMSA ).

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