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Question
Posted by: Hurting | 2010/11/23

relationship with his daughter

Hi CS,

I have been with my ex boyfriend for 4yrs and have a 17mnths old girl. we broke up 2mnths ago after finding out that he was living a double life i.e he paid lobola for someone else 8yrs ago and they were occassionally staying together. My daughnet is still young en i want her to have arelationship with her father but the father seems like hes nt interested in that.

That is really hurting me en i told him jst after the breakup that i dont want my daughter to lose a father jst becoz we are no longer together.

Im providing for her en hes nt paying a cent bt i dont mind that. all i want from him is to love en be thre for his baby girl.is that too much to ask, should i jst let it go??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its not useful to try t encourage your daughter to have a relationship with someone who's not man enough to genuinely want a relationship with her.
You cannot make him love her. It might be wise to go to court and have him acknowledge that he is the father, and to have to pay maintenance - it provides some useful extra funding for her life, and usefully reminds him that having children is a lasting responsibility ( and may also usefully discourage him from impregnating other women without seriously considering the consequences ).

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/11/23

A friend of mine has had her son go through hell by trying to force the so called father to parent. Her son even tried calling the man but he won''t return the calls! Its not worth it and children tend to blame themselves for adult mistakes.

If he wants the child in his life, he will take the initiative. Other than that, its his loss.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: Gogo | 2010/11/23

Maria is correct dont hurt yourself and dont even waist your energy. People were raised without knowing their. Move on life goes on.

Reply to Gogo
Posted by: Maria | 2010/11/23

You cannot force him to be a parent. Look after your daughter ot the best of your abilities. I also suggest you go to maintenance court and make him pay towards his daughter. You might not need it now, but schooling is expensive and what if she has unplanned medical costs?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/23

Its not useful to try t encourage your daughter to have a relationship with someone who's not man enough to genuinely want a relationship with her.
You cannot make him love her. It might be wise to go to court and have him acknowledge that he is the father, and to have to pay maintenance - it provides some useful extra funding for her life, and usefully reminds him that having children is a lasting responsibility ( and may also usefully discourage him from impregnating other women without seriously considering the consequences ).

Reply to cybershrink

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