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Question
Posted by: vicky | 2011/03/22

relationship troubles

Hi im with a guy for 3 yr now and we getting married soon.The problem is he cant show feeling and emotions and he does not communicate with me and if i try to talk to him he gets angry at certain topics.ive stop telling him my feelings and so on but we been fighting since feb alot and i dnt konw if its because the wedding is close or what.Should i think twice by getting married to a person like that and ontop of that i got a little 4yr old boy by another guy but he isnt in the pic.got no contack with him at all not even my child.
How can i make this work even tho we got different back ground and brought up so differently.please help as im getting married in April and i dont want to make a mistake.my child is calling him daddy.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Men tend to show and reveal their emotions less easily and clearly than women, on the whole. In addition, some people have a condition called Alexithymia, in which they have a specific difficulty in putting their concerns and feelings into words. And the more you push them to do so, the more tongue tied they may become.
And when you "tell him your feelings" he may be just at a loss to know what to do about them.
Why not see a couples counsellor together for some sessions before marriage, to sort out lines of comunication and reduce the stress you both seem to be experiencing.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Vicky | 2011/03/23

Hi Woman
Thanks alot for that book i think ill go and buy the book and find out that different planet stories.

Reply to Vicky
Posted by: Woman | 2011/03/22

Ladies, this is such a common problem and if the answer to these questions were easy, many people would be poor and without jobs.

The first thing you must realise, is that men think and respond differently to daily stresses than we do. Do yourselves the favour of buying the book, " men are from mars, women are from venus"  by John Grey. Most libraries also carry the book. Of all the books on this subject that I have read, this one is the easiest to understand.

Once you understand that men are from another planet, they do things differently, they feel things differently, they handles stress and life problems differently to us women, then you''ll be able to understand and respond to your partner.

Men should read this book too, but alas, many will never. To their detriment.

Have hope, there are answers to your questions :)

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Vicky | 2011/03/22

so if i cant sort the communication thing out ill have a def divorse on my hand in a few yr time????
how can i get my partner to talk to me and tell me things?

Reply to Vicky
Posted by: Rob | 2011/03/22

Communication is so important in a marraige or relationship. Some people do not think so but later in your relationship this will bite you in the heel!!! It will cause problems all the time!!

Reply to Rob
Posted by: diet obsessed | 2011/03/22

People have told me that men dont like to talk about their feelings, so now my question is..how the hell can you communicate to your partner if we are the only ones talking???

Reply to diet obsessed
Posted by: Vicky | 2011/03/22

i know and i was never like that in the beginning i used to keep things to myself and then we agreed to talk and now im doing it but he is like a close book. I need to know should i get married to a guy like this and try to make it work or would it be the same all the yr to come, lol woman aint to difficult as they say we are you just need time with us and communication.

Reply to Vicky
Posted by: diet obsessed | 2011/03/22

Hi Vicky

I have the same question as you. My boyfriend is 5 years my senior and when I ask him what is wrong he says there is nothing. I can tell when something is wrong because I can see it. how are we suppose to communicate if he doesnt talk to me. Why do men keep everything to themselfs, we as women want to help!

Reply to diet obsessed
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/22

Men tend to show and reveal their emotions less easily and clearly than women, on the whole. In addition, some people have a condition called Alexithymia, in which they have a specific difficulty in putting their concerns and feelings into words. And the more you push them to do so, the more tongue tied they may become.
And when you "tell him your feelings" he may be just at a loss to know what to do about them.
Why not see a couples counsellor together for some sessions before marriage, to sort out lines of comunication and reduce the stress you both seem to be experiencing.

Reply to cybershrink

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