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Question
Posted by: Heartbroken | 2010/07/20

Relationship shock

my boyfriend and i have been together for 18 months. We met and fell in love within weeks. the problem is we were both in dead marraiges where we had stayed for the children even though we both lived separate lives from our spouses. we have almost been through hell to get to be together and now he has said he wants to be alone as he is emotionally drained from the strain of his divorce and trying to keep me happy and the effect it has had on both our children. He has had almost 5 years of misery with his Ex-wife. He moved into the house he recieved as part of the divorce after we had been living together for months. a week later he tells me I can''t move into the house with him and gives me the emotional emptiness as a reason. He says he needs time and space to recover before he can be in a serious committed relationship with anyone as he has no more to give. he says he loves me and its not for another woman or to go back to his ex-wife. do I believe him or am I beeing played for a fool? He says when he is strong enough again he would want us to try again. Do i wait or not????

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Haven't I already responded, earlier today, to almost this exact question ? Rwebound relationships are highly risky, and it is reasonable for both of you to emotionally cool off and spend some time sorting yoruselves out and just living calmly, before plunging into another relationship so soon. You cannot assess the quality, strength or durability of a new relationship while you are still recovering from the last one. Seeing a counsellor can help you to recover better

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Del | 2010/07/21

Run forest run

Reply to Del
Posted by: bi | 2010/07/21

So sorry to hear this. You must be heartbroken and confused! I think you should close the door on this one. I personally would. Else he says he''s not ready and then he moves on anyway? So rather taking the " waiting game"  out of the equation, go heal your beautiful heart and let him know that if he lets you go, he lets you go. Final.
His loss. Your life, go live it with someone who isn''t keeping you on a string.
You were ''good enough'' when he was married and now...?
Sorry, love. It''s basically over, in my opinion.
All the best best best to you!

Reply to bi
Posted by: XXX | 2010/07/21

There should be no reason why he cannot continue a relationship with you,no matter how slowly you move.I wouldn''t suggest moving in together at this stage though.
I hope for your sake he didn''t " use"  you to get what he wanted whilst he was still married and now that he is divorced,simply moves on.
If he is not prepared to at least take you out now and again to a restaurant etc,then I wouldn''t wait for him.When/if he is ready one day,then if you are meant to be,then he can try again.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: lucyfire | 2010/07/21

Do yourself a favour and go read the book " He''s just not that into you"  It should be every woman''s bible.

One of the rules " If he says he''s not ready for a relationship, it means he''s not ready for a relationship with you" 

Reply to lucyfire
Posted by: Silver | 2010/07/20

He needs time and space give it to him!

Reply to Silver
Posted by: Marieke | 2010/07/20

he should''ve thought of those -had there been open wounds before getting involved with someone else! is she expected to put her feelings into a suitcase and wait until he''s ready...i don''t think he''s being fair and honest with her!

Reply to Marieke
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/07/20

Yes wait for him. Its like he''s just ran a 50km marathon yesterday and now he''s expected to run the same distance without recovering. There''s a lot of open wounds to be healed.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/20

Haven't I already responded, earlier today, to almost this exact question ? Rwebound relationships are highly risky, and it is reasonable for both of you to emotionally cool off and spend some time sorting yoruselves out and just living calmly, before plunging into another relationship so soon. You cannot assess the quality, strength or durability of a new relationship while you are still recovering from the last one. Seeing a counsellor can help you to recover better

Reply to cybershrink

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