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Question
Posted by: Misy | 2012/10/17

Relationship red light

I feel frustrated that i can''t make a decision regarding my new relationship, i am a successful, independent 36 year old single parent, but haven''t been that successful when it comes to relationships. I met this guy, 3 years younger and have been seeing him for a little over a month now, but i am not sure what to make of the relationship. he''s got 2 kids from previous relationship. I am not sure about this relationship and i feel like there are red light/flags but i choose to ignore them (maybe don''t want to be alone) e.g.

a) before we dated he would call me often and check on me, once i missed his call as i was busy and saw not need to return it (we were not dating then), then he called me early in the morning like 6am and asked why i ignored his call (red flag 1-assuming)
b) we started dating then the were 2 situation, the calls stopped it will be more sms than call, ok i understood, but first situation he would send me a msg &  expect me to answer immediately, second situation i was out with friends for supper, he called i told him where i was and that i was about to drive &  will call bak when i reach home, which i did. the following day he called when i was in the middle of traffic, i told him i will call you back in 5min. Within that 5minutes i called back and he did not answer. only for him to call and tell me 5 minutes has long past and nowadays i am too busy for him and don''t have time to talk to him or answer his messages . (Red flag 2)
c) In the 4rd week of our dating, he borrowed money for petrol (did not have a problem with that), on monday i sent him a sms which he did not reply to until i called yesterday he said he didnt have airtime, and i should have known and asked that i buy him some (Red flag 3)

I don''t know if this relationship is worth exploring, its not as if there is something interesting he says or do to try and keep me(feel like i know what to do but i don''t want to do it and that frustrates the hell out of me. I want someone to love me, not posess me or turn into a baggage.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Unfortunately for him, being successful and independent isn't infectious - he'd have to do that for himself, instead of sponging on you.
He sounds emotionally as well as financially needy, and maybe he can't afford a sincere new relationship at this stage, until he has solved his financial problems. He owes more to his kids, as you do to yours.
I don't hear anything in his behaviours that suggests love. Move on, you deserve better than this

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Purple | 2012/10/17

Not only the financial difficulites, but he seems to have some controlling bheaviours like expecting you to answer phone calls immediately and always wanting to know where you are. Those are abusive tendency red flags to me.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Misy | 2012/10/17

Lilly, he is in financial difficulty as he has told me about his debts etc. but i wonder about his finance management because of what i can see, (expensive gadgets he''s got)

40''''is - the kids part - my thoughts exactly

I may sound fussy &  picky, but my i have a hectic and sometime stressful life and i just need someone to love and be there, not to really offload this early in the relationship and i need to stress about his troubles also, i would hv probably been more understanding if the relationship was much older and i understood him and his lifestyle better. but i don''t know much about him, havent been to his place, havent invited me yet. Im just not getting the emotional connection from this guy, though the words are there, you know the standard " love you babes" 

sometimes i feel like im settling because i don''t want to be alone?..***frustration***

Reply to Misy
Posted by: Just Me | 2012/10/17

red flag 5
Dump him

Reply to Just Me
Posted by: 40''ish | 2012/10/17

Sponger Alert!

You have a kid or kids to look after you don''t need another one.

Drop him before he gets his claws into you.

Reply to 40''ish
Posted by: Lilly | 2012/10/17

you seem to have a lot of doubts .. if he''s in a difficult phase financially thats one thing but if he is a user.. look for someone better. Follow your soul - it will guide you.
xo

Reply to Lilly
Posted by: XXX | 2012/10/17

I agree,too many red flags here.How can he borrow money this early in the relationship and still ask for airtime !

Dump this loser,rather look for someone who genuinely has feelings for you and has no need to sponge off you.

Good luck

Reply to XXX
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/10/17

Unfortunately for him, being successful and independent isn't infectious - he'd have to do that for himself, instead of sponging on you.
He sounds emotionally as well as financially needy, and maybe he can't afford a sincere new relationship at this stage, until he has solved his financial problems. He owes more to his kids, as you do to yours.
I don't hear anything in his behaviours that suggests love. Move on, you deserve better than this

Reply to cybershrink

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