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Question
Posted by: MEL | 2010/05/14

relationship phobia

I have a little problem and would like some clarity on the matter.
After being in a relationship for almost 2 years,almost getting engaged and being dumped by the love of my life,that I still work with, I am now,a year later,still struggling to stay in a relationship I find myself pushing away anyone that tries to get close to me.
I am now involved with a really nice guy but scared that I will lose him, I get to clingy qiththe fear of losing that person but yet when thet respond and do the same I withdraw...please help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sometimes we are a bit too slow to learn the obvious lessons from a situation or experience ; sometimes we over-learn and over-generalize from one bad experience, and assume that the same will happen every other such situation, even if in fact they are significantly diference.
And sometimes we use a bad tactic - fearful of being dumped again, we dump others, or dump ourselves too soon, so that while this is always disappointing, at least we feel in charge of the decision and the dumping.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Amy | 2010/05/14

Sorry this was meant as a question and not a reply to Mel. Oops!

Reply to Amy
Posted by: Amy | 2010/05/14

I''m so confused. I''ve been going out with this man(53 I''m 45) for 2 years now. There seems to be so many signs that he is a narcissist but how can I be sure? He''s had problems with my previous relationships, my ex family, my children, my hobbies everything. When we argue which is all the time he''s always right and I''m always wrong. He twists what I say around until I don''t know what''s going on anymore. I''ve read many many articles on narcissism and yes he does have a lot of the signs but at the moment 2 years later I''m beginning to feel like I''m the one going mad and perhaps misreading the signs? For example I recently asked him if he wanted to go camping for a weekend. He didn''t answer. I then replied with " because you didn''t answer is that a no then?" . He then says he didn''t answer because I hadn''t said good morning. We live apart. Am I wrong for responding like that because at the moment everything I do, don''t do, say or don''t say is wrong. Please help. My head is about to burst.

Reply to Amy
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/14

Sometimes we are a bit too slow to learn the obvious lessons from a situation or experience ; sometimes we over-learn and over-generalize from one bad experience, and assume that the same will happen every other such situation, even if in fact they are significantly diference.
And sometimes we use a bad tactic - fearful of being dumped again, we dump others, or dump ourselves too soon, so that while this is always disappointing, at least we feel in charge of the decision and the dumping.

Reply to cybershrink

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