Posted by: Anon1 | 2009-07-07

Relationship Issues

Hi everybody
I have a live in b/f which I adore and love dearly. Problem is I' m feeling very lonely and sad most of the time, something I just don' t enjoy as I' ve always been a very outgoing person, meaning humor etc. Before we moved in he was very loving, caring and made the small things count. He made me feel special and appreciated everthing I did or say, even an sms here and there meant the world to both of us, if we heard of an accident that morning on the road we travel every day, he' d be concerned enough to sms and ask if I' m ok, u know things like that. I could back then feel the closeness, the love everyting, it was wonderful. But since we moved in, I feel nothing more like a maid. He hardly phones me during the day( granted he' s very busy at work, I understand), at night he gets home, throws himself on the bed and I go out of my way to do things for him, like picking up clothes (I hate arguments!) make him something warm to drink etc. I realise I must be stupid to do all this when in actual fact Im getting nothing in return, its 95% from me and the other 5 from him. We' re not married, although there was something mentioned once, thats also gone out the back door, but yet I do everything as a good old wife would do. But the main thing is, I cannot snap out of this feeling of being bitter and angry inside, the loneliness is killing me sometimes as I have no one, really I mean, no friends or family, too scared too trust I suppose. I' ve tried to talk to him, tried to make him understand I need my loving partner back, but it seems to fall on death ears. I just dont know what to do anymore to give him a wake up call. I love this man dearly, and yes I do not doubt his love for me is there, but is he still in love with me, and if so, why all the changes, like being an old married couple now?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its like someone who stops paying the installments once the car has been delivered.
The present arangement presumably suits him perfectly, even though it doesn't suit you at all. COuples counselling could help, but something needs to break the level of complacency and certainty that seems to have demotivated him.
Too many people fail, when getting married, to talk through and clarify their expectations. But as Liza says, even fewer people clarify their mutual expectations when moving in together. Now he ha all the adantages of a marriages without any of the inconveniences. And you try so hard this makes it clear to him that he doesn't need to try any more.

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Our users say:
Posted by: gundu | 2009-07-07

you are spoiling this guy too much ,you are doing more than your fair that your proble ,he is your boyfriend not a baby that needs to be looked after . and when you are bf and gf you should not act like a mrried couple already!! you nid to enjoy going out with your friends more cause u not gonna do that once u married .also you need to communicate with other share your storeis you might find quick solutions b' cause some ppl have gone thru what you have been

Reply to gundu
Posted by: Liza | 2009-07-07

Some people move in together without communicating about how it will affect the relationship. Expectations are different and relationships change with co-habitation. You will need to try and convince him to try couples counseling so that expectations can be clarified in an objective manner and compromises worked out on sticky subjects.

Good Luck

Reply to Liza

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