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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2009-10-26

Relationship HELP

Thank you to anyone that reads this.
I have been together with my husband for 10 years, 7 years married.
We had our first child 2 years ago, whom was born prem and has had a lot of problems since. It has put huge issues on our marriage, but we usually are able to work through these.
My husband started a new job about 11 months ago, seeing him working 18 hours some days - also adding extreme pressure to our marriage.

A month ago during one of our bad patch' s my husband just popped up and said that he doesn' t love me anymore and wants to move out. It hit me like a ton of bricks, it was unexpected.
I then eventually found out that there was a woman involved, that although they didn' t have an affair, she would listen to all his problems and boost his ego. I confronted this woman and she acted all innocent, but told me a few stories that he had made up about me to make me look bad. I was shocked. She insists she has no feeling for him, but the way he speaks about her, I think he wishes she did. He even pretended to have slept for her - I still need to figure out why he would lie about something like that?
I put it down to needing an ego boost.

After a week of living with his sibling, he moved back home, but into the spare room. We have decided (or he has), that he will stay another 6 months so that we can get our finances in order and then divorce.
I don' t want to get divorced, and have even suggested counselling. He has no interest and says there is nothing I can do to make him feel anything for me.

I am struggling to let go, to even imagine a life without him. I feel like I' m heading for a nervous breakdown, especially since he mentioned moving out again. All I want to do is drink...I hate that.

I don' t know what do, I sometimes feel like driving my car off a cliff. I' m struggling to cope :( Any advice?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Why ot insist on the pair of you seeing a marriage counsellor ? It is possible the problems could be sorted out, and if not, at least you could part on better terms and each better understanding what went wrong. It sounds as though he is really troubled within himself - why pretend to an affair he actually hasn't had ? And why this suddent urgen to keep moving out ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: abc | 2009-10-27

This is very painful to have to say but you have no choice but to move on. feel the pain, cry, go through it, but realise you have to let go.
Once you can do this you will feel a lot lighter, not necessarily better, but lighter. You then need to work on an action plan for YOUR new life. It' s up to you now. My husband also left, I begged and begged from my soul for him to please please please take me back and he simply would not change his mind - he also was in love with someone else and I could' ve done naked cartwheels in front of him and he STILL would NOT have budged.

Time to go. Say goodbye in your heart, feel love and sadness and feel all you have to but ultimately... let go.
And go do the best for you in your new found direction.

My heart is with you, whoever you are.

Reply to abc
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009-10-27

Why ot insist on the pair of you seeing a marriage counsellor ? It is possible the problems could be sorted out, and if not, at least you could part on better terms and each better understanding what went wrong. It sounds as though he is really troubled within himself - why pretend to an affair he actually hasn't had ? And why this suddent urgen to keep moving out ?

Reply to cybershrink

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