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Question
Posted by: Strange | 2010-06-27

relationship end

If I end a love relationship self-destructively - not meaning to or wanting to but venting my anger self-destructively instead of being direct (because I had no choice) . Does this mean it was meant to end anyway - that unconsciously, I wanted it to end? Strange question, I know but just how powerful is the unconscious?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Never allow yourself to get into any self-damaging behaviour, especially not without "meaning to or wanting to". You always have a choice, and you can express your sense of anger or hurt in words, raher than deeds, as this is always more useful.
Sounds like you consciously wanted it to end, without blaming anything mysterious lurking in your unconscious.
People often prefer to blame their "unconscious" to avoid taking responsibility for their own actual decisions. After all the years it's been talked about, there is still no expert scientific consensus that the "unconscious" even exists in the way it is talked about

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Strange | 2010-06-28

No, I definitely did not want it to end (consciously). It was an unequal relationship and I didn''t know the rules of the game and I definitely didn''t know what was at stake. Sadly that was not my responsibility.

Reply to Strange
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-06-28

Never allow yourself to get into any self-damaging behaviour, especially not without "meaning to or wanting to". You always have a choice, and you can express your sense of anger or hurt in words, raher than deeds, as this is always more useful.
Sounds like you consciously wanted it to end, without blaming anything mysterious lurking in your unconscious.
People often prefer to blame their "unconscious" to avoid taking responsibility for their own actual decisions. After all the years it's been talked about, there is still no expert scientific consensus that the "unconscious" even exists in the way it is talked about

Reply to cybershrink

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