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Question
Posted by: Leee | 2009/01/29

Relationship ' issues' 

Hi Doc
I was in a happy relationship for 3 years before I found out that my man had been cheating. I can' t say I know for how long. He claims it had been going on for a few months before I found out. He completely changed, had no time for me, made excuses etc. We started fighting all the time. He used to be so good to me by all means. I could feel in my heart that he loved me. But everything changed after I had found out. Then we broke up. It wasn' t a good break up. I became bitter whenever I saw him, I hated him for that. eben told him so.
I met this other guy a few years younger than I am soon afterwards, we were happy for a while. He has two kids with two different women. Then I went to his place (it was a long distance relationship), I found his ex' s (the mother to the second child) clothes still there, neatly packed in the closet. When I asked him about the clothes he told me he keeps telling the ex to come get them but she refuses, she only comes for a few clothes and leaves the rest behind, he also said he doen' t have the heart to tell her to come get them because it seems too harsh. That' s when our fights began, we started fighting over the girl all the time and about everything, her phone calls, (she would make the child an excuse). Understand Doc that I had no problem if the girl called because of the child, not for a chit chat, especially with her clothes still there. The there were a lot of issues involved and his parents got involved, they hated me for no reason at all and called his ex girlfriends to come for a visit just to get rid of me. He stood by me in the mess his parets were causing but we still had issues regarding his ex.
We ended up breaking up because of the fights. And he says I have a bad attitude, I like to fight him. Thsi is more or less what the other ex said. But I believe I was arguing because I had to. Do I have no right to fight for being cheated on? Or being double crossed with an ' ex' ?
Now the problem is I think I' m not over the fisrt ex because I' ve started being bitter especially when I see him with his girlfriend. I feel like tearing him appart. Is there something wrong with me?

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Our expert says:
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Obviously, women whose man is not cheating, don't tend to write to me about that, but glory be, there seems to be an appalling amount of cheating going on in this country. Do recognize, too, that though a person's previous history might not dictate their future, it's a pretty good guide to how they're likely to behave. A man who already has children by at least 2 other women ( and may have had afairs with many more who escaped pregnancy ) is NOT, EVER, a good bet as a faithful partner. See a counsellor to get thoroughly over both of these bad choices, and to learn some wisdom in choosing a man with whom you can have a good chance of a long and happy relationship. And surely it isn't unavoidable for you to keep seeing the ex ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Leee | 2009/01/29

lol.. u crack me Clear Thinker.
nd I meant I work with teh first ex... but in differect offices, I don' t really see him everyday because this is a big company. But I get to see him at times when his girlfriend comes for a visit and he sends me these forwarded emails. I used to love him with all my heart, maybe I still do. And now I have problems with my latest ex. I just don' t know why I keep attracting these kind of people. JUst teh other day the latest ex told me taht I' m beautiful, intelligent and have a bright future, I should look in teh mirroe as to why the guys are leaving me. That' s when he said I have a bad attitude, I shouldn' t be arguing a lot. Mind you all I ever argued with him about was his case of the ex...

Reply to Leee
Posted by: Clear Thinker | 2009/01/29

With him receiving info from his mother and sister is another indication of what a weak clueless sop he is. He should be man enough to sort himself out and go to see a Councillor of his own accord. Don' t even waste your time THINKING about the creep let alone forming a relationshipo and tryi ng to help him He is an emotional cripple and vampire, sucking the life essences out of you. Dump him and do it quick !!

Reply to Clear Thinker
Posted by: Leee | 2009/01/29

Doc,

I work with my ex, there' s no way I can escape seeing him. I' ve been applying for other jobs with no success. About the two kids, he had the seconds child years after he had borken up with the first mom. I am not making excuses for him. But I see him as a guy who needs counselling, his mother and sister like to dictate to him what to do and not what to do, choose girlfriends for him etc... and he always rebels.
I really can' t say much but I know I have problems, serious problems.

Reply to Leee
Posted by: Clear Thinker | 2009/01/29

Sorry to hear about the mess you are in. Some advice, short and sweet. Cheating is a passport straight out of a relationship, no second chances, no stories, no " mistakes made"  no coming back. Out out out !! Cheating shows a huge lack of respect for you and endangers your health, STD' s and the ever present AIDS.
You seem to pick the baddies. You look into the bag of sewage he carries on his back and for some unknown reason, girls like you seem to like what you see ! I don' t unhderstand it 2 children with 2 seperate woman. Come on !! Why are you attracted to creeps like this when there are so many great guys out there who would love to treat you in thre manner you deserve. Keep your dignity intact, you are a great person who deserves better. Dump the losers

Reply to Clear Thinker
Posted by: T | 2009/01/29

I think you must go for counselling. This sounds like too much emotional turmoil for one person to go through

Reply to T

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