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Question
Posted by: Mango | 2011/06/02

Relationship

Hi CS

First of all thanks for all the good work you are doing on here!

A while ago I went through a rough patch and didn’ t date anyone for about 3 years. I distanced myself from woman and relationships and decided to focus on myself and try to sort my own life out. I got my life sort of on track and met a girl 7 years younger than me (I am 30 at the moment). I truly fell in love with her because of the person she is. She is a “ true”  person and has a lot of good qualities in her.

I have a few problems though. First of all: although I honestly believe I do love her I am still scared that because I haven’ t dated someone in a while I might feel I love just because she is the first woman in a while I let close to me.

Secondly, she comes from very “ bad”  circumstances. She has been mistreated by various people in her life. She tries to better herself and has a lot of good in her, but I am also scared that I feel sorry for her and want to help and get that confused with love.

Lastly, she had a boyfriend for 4 years prior to me meeting her. They have a child together. I like the child, but I am not 100% sure that I will ever completely accept the fact that she has a child with someone else if the relationship becomes more serious. It just feels to me that I do not want to raise some other guy’ s child one day. How will I ever be able to overlook that? Is there something I can do or is it one of those cases where I’ m either comfortable with it now or I never will be.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You say you feel that yopu love her "for the person she is", well, the person she is includes the child, as an inevitable part of who she is. If you choose to stay together, you would be helping to raise HER child, rather than an Alien from some other man

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mango | 2011/06/03

Thanks for the advice CS. You are doing great work here! This is not the first time I''ve asked some advice from you and everytime after I read your comments I feel a bit better.

Reply to Mango
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/03

You say you feel that yopu love her "for the person she is", well, the person she is includes the child, as an inevitable part of who she is. If you choose to stay together, you would be helping to raise HER child, rather than an Alien from some other man

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Mango | 2011/06/02

Thanks for the advice Bron

Reply to Mango
Posted by: Bron | 2011/06/02

If you love her you will accept her with her past as well as her child. remember, the kid was there before you came along so try to keep the child''s interests high on the agenda. If you have doubts, dont go ahead with a relationship as this will just confuse the kid and hurt the woman in the long run. meaning the kid will be stuck with a sad and emotional mother. Be careful how you handle this.

Reply to Bron

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