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Question
Posted by: hanging in there | 2011/01/16

relationship

i have been married for 16 years, i dont want to leave my husband but i dont want to have any sexual relation with him either, his drinking is really getting in our way, we still sleep in the same room, he tries to have sex with me but i dont let him come near me, i just feel like getting into another relationship with another man but i know that will not work because it will be rebound, i have told him to stop drinking or he will lose me and our 3 kids, he is trying but i still dont feel sexually aroused by him, what is wrong with me please help. i feel like having sex but not with him, we havent been sexually active for 6 months now. thank you.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You're right to reject the idea of having an affair with anyone else ; and entirely justifiable in not wanting to have sex with someone who is habitually drunk. He is not likely to manage to stop his problem drinking on his own however ( and would have done so already, if he could ). He needs expert advice from a shrink with experience in the field of problem drinking, and probably also from AA. Encourage him to do this, emphasizing that it would be so much better for him, you, the kids, and the relationship

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2011/01/16

I don''t think there is anything wrong with you. Sex, especially for women, is an emotional as much as a physical act. Not wanting to have sex with someone you are feeling negative about is entirely normal. Has your husband received help for his drinking problem, e.g. by joining Alcoholics Anonymous? First he must sort himself out and then you can start to rebuild your relationship.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/16

You're right to reject the idea of having an affair with anyone else ; and entirely justifiable in not wanting to have sex with someone who is habitually drunk. He is not likely to manage to stop his problem drinking on his own however ( and would have done so already, if he could ). He needs expert advice from a shrink with experience in the field of problem drinking, and probably also from AA. Encourage him to do this, emphasizing that it would be so much better for him, you, the kids, and the relationship

Reply to cybershrink

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