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Question
Posted by: Tuli | 2010/10/17

relationship

Im in a relationship with a man (over2 years) we have a baby together. He is 50 and still lives with his mom and sister who he helps out financially. He stays at my place every night. I want to get married but we cant because he financially assists his fam and doesnt want to marry me until he can take care of me financially. But this could take forever .... am i wrong but im feeling like 2nd best .... at the same time his family needs his assistance .......what should i do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Intentions or wishes are one thing, realistic plans another. Obviously ( and god for him that he recognizes his existing responsibilities and promises ) he has long-standing duties to his mom and sister ( can they, especially the sister, not work and earn anything to support themselves ? ). He may WANT to also be able to share the expenses of a marriage with you, but realistically, whiole they are still alive, how does he think he might get into a position to be able to do so ?
Its probably not so much that you are "second best" ( though of course I can see how you could feel that way ) but just that he has existing obligations of love and duty to his family, which apparently nobody else could take over, and which will be on-going. Of course, he also has an ongoing need to help support the baby you have had together.
And by 50, one is often no longer flexible enough to successfully make really major changes in one's life. Maybe he's a really nice and sincere guy, but not really likely to be able to marry ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/17

Intentions or wishes are one thing, realistic plans another. Obviously ( and god for him that he recognizes his existing responsibilities and promises ) he has long-standing duties to his mom and sister ( can they, especially the sister, not work and earn anything to support themselves ? ). He may WANT to also be able to share the expenses of a marriage with you, but realistically, whiole they are still alive, how does he think he might get into a position to be able to do so ?
Its probably not so much that you are "second best" ( though of course I can see how you could feel that way ) but just that he has existing obligations of love and duty to his family, which apparently nobody else could take over, and which will be on-going. Of course, he also has an ongoing need to help support the baby you have had together.
And by 50, one is often no longer flexible enough to successfully make really major changes in one's life. Maybe he's a really nice and sincere guy, but not really likely to be able to marry ?

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