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Question
Posted by: STRANGE BUT TRUE | 2009/10/25

RELATIONSHIP

I' ve dated a man since June that I met on an Internet dating site. He has been divorced for 10 years, but still talks about his ex wife and how bad she treated him constantly. He told me that he could never see a woman more than 1 or 2 dates and if she got serious he ran, until he met me. He said I score a 10 and am a wonderful person, but he has got cold feet, I should please be patient with him.He also prefers very young women, but he was interested in me because of my youthfull appearance. I am 50 and he is 56. He treasures his freedom and is so scared to give it up, he also cannot ask me to marry him right now due to fiancial reasons. If I help him market his business part time (I have a full time job), it could change things and if we make things work business wise we could get married and have a great future. He also asked me if I would be willing to pay for my own holiday if we were to go to an exotic island over Christmas.
He introduced me to his daughter and she told him I was the best woman he ever had and he would be a fool to let me slip through his fingers. He still loggs on to the dating site everyday and meet and phone other ladies and told me to do the same and keep my options open. He said he got jealous thinking about me dating somebody else, but he realises he' s got no right to expect me not to at this stage as we are not in a relationship. he stays far away and I only see him once a month, he then also gives preference to spending time with his daughter. He phones regularly and if I go our always wants to know if I am going out with a boyfriend. He then tells me he misses me and are crazy about me, but when we see one another he never holds my hand or kiss or hug me, is this normal? Am I just wasting my time?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

At 56 he is surely unlikely to meet many "very young women" interested in him, except gold-diggers, supposing he has a really large pile of gold. And his wishes sound rather exploitative - pay for your own holiday so I can afford to go somewhere exotic, rather than have me pay for both of us for somewhere modest but pleasant ; do unpaid work to promote my business plans ; and though you're the best woman I ever met in my life, we should both keep our options open, and I'm still looking for someone better ?
Does he really sound like a good bet ? At his age, significant change is highly unlikely.
And don't let yourself get discouraged over your "loss" of this guy - assess him objectively, and your loss is small, and his is large.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kelly | 2009/10/27

You will find that someone you looking for and deserve.Just hang in there and dont be hasty and forget about this guy.
Luckily he dsnt stay close by so it will make things easier.

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/10/26

At 56 he is surely unlikely to meet many "very young women" interested in him, except gold-diggers, supposing he has a really large pile of gold. And his wishes sound rather exploitative - pay for your own holiday so I can afford to go somewhere exotic, rather than have me pay for both of us for somewhere modest but pleasant ; do unpaid work to promote my business plans ; and though you're the best woman I ever met in my life, we should both keep our options open, and I'm still looking for someone better ?
Does he really sound like a good bet ? At his age, significant change is highly unlikely.
And don't let yourself get discouraged over your "loss" of this guy - assess him objectively, and your loss is small, and his is large.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Garfield | 2009/10/25

Dont think of it as a ' loss' , think of it as a a ' gain' !

Please excuse my grammar ... In addition to my typing errors, I also have a really old home keyboard where 3 of the letters dont work!

Reply to Garfield
Posted by: Garfield | 2009/10/25

Maybe not so much objective, but subjective? Been there myslef and been there with other people....

Maybe avoiding contact is diificult, but nothing compared to the mess you will get yourself in by being unhapay with a person that doest have yur best interests at heart ad isn' t caring about you the way you would expect a perso that was caring abot you to act.

I KNOW its hard (do a search of Garfiled ... I am the last person that probably can give advice abot relatonships, but, for some reason, I can give valid advice to others ... :-) just not to myself.

What you describe is NOT good. And, anyone deserves more.

It IS ok, to say you deserve more &  MOVE ON!

MOVE ON :-) ... what d you really have to loose?

Reply to Garfield
Posted by: STRANGE BUT TRUE | 2009/10/25

Hi Garfield

Thanks very much for your objective reply. You are right I actually know the answers, but listen to my heart and hope his eyes will open and he will change, which he won' t do. Maybe I must just avoid contact in future, which will be very hard and another loss in my life that I will have to deal with.

Reply to STRANGE BUT TRUE
Posted by: Garfield | 2009/10/25

Read over your own question/query.

It should answer all o the questions you have asked.

Yes, maybe it is ' normal'  in this crazy society we live in. But, is it really what anyone would want and anyone deserves?

I dont even know you, but I can tell you already that what you describe above is not ' normal' , it' s NOT nice, and it' s more definitely not in line with what a nice person deserves.

Do NOT get nvolved in this just for lack of ' nice'  things happening to you ... as hard as it is, getting involved in somethng substandard defeats the purpose of being in love becuase it doesnt give you any of the benefits it should.

Go for the best, or even just good people, otherwise WHAT is the point, it just brings more trouble. And you deserve more.

Reply to Garfield

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