Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-06-03


Coming to my GF informing her mother about all the troubles we have in our relationship, well we had a fight in Feb this year and I acknowledged that I was wrong and admitted guilt on my side. I duly apologised to her even though it took a while she forgave me so I thought. Now last night I initiated a discussion about our relationship that it is not the same anymore and let us identify the areas we should improve on. She raised the issue about the fight we had in Feb and since her mother knows about it I should come and apologise to her as well. I believe a relationship between two people should just be that and feel I do not owe her mother an apology. Already she has an attitude towards me. When she does something I don' t like I tell her about it and do not involve a third party but when an error is done by me she involves her family and by that I told her she is pushing me away as I feel there is no privacy in our relationship. Am I been unreasonable by feeling that I do not owe her mother an apology? She has changed these days and is not interested in the things we used to do before. At times my mind tells me that maybe she is cheating on me but I block that because I do not make accusations without having any facts. I truly love her and want to see our relationship working without any third party interference. Please advice..

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Our expert says:
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I agree, a relationship between two people is between them. If you have apologised to your gf about the Feb fight ( in which she, I gather, participated, too ), I don't see sense in apologising to her mother. And what about other relatives, too ? Why not apologise to her sister and her cousins and her aunts, as well ? Arguing witth her adult dauther is not an offense against the mother. Whether she is cheating on you or not ( andy es, these migh be rather efective distraction tactics ) these are ways of avoidin commitment, rather than improving a relationship. Push for the involvement of an expert and neutral third party, namely a relationship counsellor

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Posted by: Anonymous | 2009-06-03

Thank you guys but my lady is adamant that I apologise to her mother and told me also she discusses our issues with her older sister as well. When the relationship began I really sensed a strong level of maturity by telling me we should not entertain other people informing us about our past. Which I agree 100% with her because the past is gone and one really needs to move on. But to my suprise what she told me last night really came as a shock to me because I do not know what is she has told them. I suggested we go see a shrink, only to tell me that it is a waist of money, of which I offered to foot the bill. I even told her if she is not happy with the relationship and she wants out all she has to do is tell me even though it is going to hurt, I should respect her decision, but no she insists I apologise to her mother and things will be back to normal. This is rather puting a lot of strain on me and I really feel she is pushing me away. Maybe I should excersise more patience but I feel I will be waisting valuable time and will not be able to move on as I should. Is she playing games and I should rather move on because I always try and initiate the mending process but there is little commitment to mend the relationship on her side. Please comment.

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Posted by: Honest Person | 2009-06-03

Im female, been there done that, regret involving family now! All i can say is if she is interested in the future of ur relationship then u both need to seek professional help if u want things to work out but if ur gf shows no sign of interest then u need to move on. As a female i know that we women can also be very unfair &  unreasonable &  our actions later cause us pain. I did the exact same to my bf when dating, every little issue we had i told my mum &  being normal to jump to the defense of ur child whether she/he is wrong, mothers will never see the wrong in there child. Well some of them. My mum had such hatred for my bf &  when we made up she use2 get angry with me for going back to him. So if ur gf is serious about url then she needs to stop telling her mother ur issues. It would be different if u not treating her well or abusing her. My mum &  i have a bad relationship today all bcoz i couldn' t keep my mouth shut &  my bf who is now my husband was not worth losing. Family will always be there for u fair enough coz not all guys out there are good guys so mothers of the girls tend to only want to protect their daughters from hurt &  pain but if u are a good guy &  u know u will do anything 4 ur girl then she should be grateful &  appreciate u. My guy is 1 of the good guys &  when family wants to be mean they can be. U dont need to apologize to her mother for anything. Her mother is not dating u, ur gf is! If u apologize then trust me if url are gona be together forever, her family is gona interfere in every little thing u do &  when url gona make decisions or have children, her mum is gona tell url how to run ur life knowing that ur gf is giving her 100% control &  allows her to interfere. Ur gf needs to wake up. Some of us as females complain about finding wrong guys but the few of us that have them cant appreciate them. Ur relationship will never work out if she' s gona run to mummy for everything. I know what im talking about. Just this weekend i got married &  the priest told my husband &  i that we are now each others family, if we have problems speak to our parents, if not then seek professional help that can help us both. He said that nowdays the world is different, as soon as the girl has problems in her relationship or marriage the mother will tell her to pack her bags &  come stay with her which is wrong bcoz u dont marry ur parents, u dont start a family with ur parents &  when ur parents are gone u will be alone. So if u do plan on marrying her &  if she also wants to make things work u need to get help fast or rather leave if she wants to run to mummy &  not fix the relationship. Then again maybe she needs a lesson where u break up &  find a loving gf who u can make ur everything &  then ur gf will know what its like to have a good man &  then watch him have a life with some1 else. &  please pple dont throw hate comments on me. Thats just my opinion. Every1 thinks differently.

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