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Question
Posted by: OOPSY | 2011/04/07

Re:Kids

Hi,

We are not really " child"  people. we like our dinners in fancy restaurants, not Spur or wimpy! and screaming kids makes me want to crack and beat the parents for not controlling their brats! I have had " bad"  experiance with children of a relative who are very badly behaved and the parents are no better. They have a bunch of kids they cant afford and the kids always look .. i dont know.. " poor"  ? i guess thats the only word i can think of to describe it. they dont get to do any activities as there are so many of them (4) so they spend there days fighting with each other and screaming, crying and swearing and playing in the dirt! Just the thought of it makes me terrified of having kids because im a very prim and proper person. My things need to be perfect and spotless and classy and intellectual. I dont want a child running around screaming and filthy. the more time i spent with them the less and less i wanted kids..

Now im terrified mine is going to be the same way and it will only be worse if we have more than one!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Thanks for responding. It sounds like you dislike unpleasant, badly raised and badly behaved kids, as every sensible person does. Fortunately, that outcome is not inevitable.
Its wholeseome that someone just not made to be an eager parent recognizes this. Actually, you may find your own experience surprisingly pleasant, and the task of bringing up a pleasant child ( I have friends who have been remarkably successful at that, without being obsessive or dictatorial ) can be an interesting challenge.
Hope it all goes well, and much better than you dreaded, and do drop back at times and let us know how it's going.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Question. | 2011/04/08

Reply to Question.
Posted by: Question. | 2011/04/08

Gosh don''t you people have anything better to do than dis people on the internet? The woman has asked a perfectly fine question as different views on kids can hurt a marriage. I seriously think you guys need to get a life.

Reply to Question.
Posted by: Woman | 2011/04/08

So are you troll, please find one name and stick to it. And please, see someone about your obsessive trolling behaviour!

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Nonsense | 2011/04/08

Bloody hell woman - grow up - you are dispicable

Reply to Nonsense
Posted by: Happiness | 2011/04/08

This reminds of the time we took the kids to McDonald''s. While waiting for the order we were standing next to a young couple. They were cuddling. Now my kids were playing in-front of us and looking at the toys very carefree.
My husband noticed the woman giving the kids a dirty look and then pulling her partner to move to the far side of place. We just laughed!
She couldn''t stand the kids giggling and the disorder, but she was young.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: Lola | 2011/04/08

I understand exactly where you are coming from OOPSY. I was exactly like that, I would tell people not to come with their kids if they want to come see me. I did not see a point in trying to talk to someone while their kids are also fighting for their attention. I hated the spilling on my white rag or running around and driving me up the wall. I made no excuse, I was not interested....My weekends were mine to wine and dine. Go out with friends, go to a spa, have a lazy weekend. Wake up when I feel like it. Cooking if and when I feel like it ....until my OOPSY happened... OOOH she is so adorable but I respect people with no kids I stay away from them with my rascal, I understand exactly their frame of mind. I love my little one to bits but am NOT HAVING ANOTHER ONE! My life has changed dramatically, I love the yummy mummy I have become and I still have my me time once a month

Reply to Lola
Posted by: Woman | 2011/04/07

You might be pregnant, but you''re a looooong way from being a mother.

What I read into your post is that you are afraid. Afraid of loosing your freedom, you life style, your sense of self. What you do not yet realise, is that the baby inside you will be a being who walks around with YOUR heart inside him/her for the rest of your life.

You are deluding yourself if you think that your life will ever be the same again. Please, when you become a mother, think about that little life and what would be best for him/her *always*. If it means a sibling, then it means a sibling. just hold off on the sterilisation for now, for the sake of the man who you love , the man who is your husband and the father of your child. Do not deny him yet, First give yourself time to get used to this awesome new role waiting around the corner just until you know who you will be.

Please do come back &  tell us about your priorities in life once you have been a mother for a while.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: OOPSY | 2011/04/07

I did not say i did not want my child. I just dont want more than one.

Reply to OOPSY
Posted by: OOPSY | 2011/04/07

Its very eye opening to see that just when you think you have scraped the bottom of the barrel of human understanding and reasoning you realise that apparently the barrel has no bottom at all. Thank you for reminding me of that.

Reply to OOPSY
Posted by: SLR | 2011/04/07

not all people were made to be parents.....and it is good that you recognise this in you, There are far too many people out there who should never have had kids, but are now stuck in the role and very very unhappy.

Don''t have kids then! No-one is forcing you!

Reply to SLR
Posted by: yaya | 2011/04/07

you are a spoilt immature brat! i feel so sorry for your child. if i were your husband i would walk out of this toxic relationship.

Reply to yaya
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/04/07

Thanks for responding. It sounds like you dislike unpleasant, badly raised and badly behaved kids, as every sensible person does. Fortunately, that outcome is not inevitable.
Its wholeseome that someone just not made to be an eager parent recognizes this. Actually, you may find your own experience surprisingly pleasant, and the task of bringing up a pleasant child ( I have friends who have been remarkably successful at that, without being obsessive or dictatorial ) can be an interesting challenge.
Hope it all goes well, and much better than you dreaded, and do drop back at times and let us know how it's going.

Reply to cybershrink

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