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Question
Posted by: G | 2011/02/10

Refer post 794 (Cs &  Woman)

Thank you both for your advice, I appreciate and take note of what you are saying. "  Woman,"  it feels as though I know you (weird hey!). I trust this man more than anyone. I know I am blessed to have him as a therapist and will highly recommend him to anyone. This has made me think...why do I want to end therapy? It took 4yrs of weekly sessions to believe that he is concerned about my wellbeing and wants to help me start a new life. I am so scared of stopping, yet this is what I feel I must do. After reading your replies, I realise this is the closest I have allowed anyone to come near to me and I think I am scared/uncomfortable about being so dependent on him as I am/was a very independent person. I just realised....i don''''t want to lose him but i hate the dependency issue. I am scared of stopping but at the same time, I am scared of him getting tired with my nonsence and "  chase"  me away. I have never been this dependent on anyone. I am scared of being dependent but am more scared of stopping therapy. I can''''t do therapy with someone else. If I stop, I will go back to hiding away. I''''ve come this far and it hasn''''t been easy. I am so confused. How do I stop myself from pushing away the only person who is concerned re my wellbeing? I genuinely only want to be in contact with him during sessions but as soon as I leave his office, my mind is being bombarded with thoughts. How can I stop being so obssessive? I''''ve spoken to him, we drew up a "  contract"  where I would respect his privacy and not sms him, i have even promised him that I want to show my respect by stopping therapy. I think I have OCD. Sorry for my ramblings and thank you for listening. This is a good forum to vent...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Surely the issue of when one needs to stop therapy depends on what the original aim or intention was. This is easier with non-analytical methods which tend to focus on more specific goals - "to overcome my phobia of public transport ; to regain my onfidence at work ", whatever - the more clearly goals are described, the easier it is to know when you have achieved them. And a good therapist strives to help you meet your goals AND then to become redundant, rather than to become a permanent feature of your life.
With more nebulous goals, its understandably harder to know when you've reached them.
From your comments, it sounds as though initially the problem was a difficulty in trusting to the point of being able to work with a therapist, and then that was achieved. But now there seem to be relevant issues of closeness, trust again, and dependency / independence.
You COULD do therapy with someone else, but presumably don't need to do so - but don't limit yourself by passing such broad laws !
It sounds as though your feeling that you ought to stop therapy is not about having completed the tasks that were needed, but part of the concern about dependency, and perhaps a reaction to it.
Yes, there does seem to be a degree of obsessiveness that may deserve attention. Maybe issues of boundaries, and "enoughness" ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Woman | 2011/02/10

Hi G, well, we have shared a few things, and I like to think that you are one of the few people who gave me things to think about and to grow.

You have so much to offer the world, and I hope you find a way to come back to the world. Whether it is with your current therapist, or whether you find a new therapist or whether you find extra one.

In a perfect world, human beings will take responsibility for each other. We all live in the same world after all!

Once again, you can contact me any time, G! Have a great evening, and have hope, you are important and there is a reason your are here!

Reply to Woman
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/02/10

Surely the issue of when one needs to stop therapy depends on what the original aim or intention was. This is easier with non-analytical methods which tend to focus on more specific goals - "to overcome my phobia of public transport ; to regain my onfidence at work ", whatever - the more clearly goals are described, the easier it is to know when you have achieved them. And a good therapist strives to help you meet your goals AND then to become redundant, rather than to become a permanent feature of your life.
With more nebulous goals, its understandably harder to know when you've reached them.
From your comments, it sounds as though initially the problem was a difficulty in trusting to the point of being able to work with a therapist, and then that was achieved. But now there seem to be relevant issues of closeness, trust again, and dependency / independence.
You COULD do therapy with someone else, but presumably don't need to do so - but don't limit yourself by passing such broad laws !
It sounds as though your feeling that you ought to stop therapy is not about having completed the tasks that were needed, but part of the concern about dependency, and perhaps a reaction to it.
Yes, there does seem to be a degree of obsessiveness that may deserve attention. Maybe issues of boundaries, and "enoughness" ?

Reply to cybershrink

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