Posted by: Concerned and Frustrated | 2012-08-31

Reduce Libido

Is there a safe, over the counter medication available to reduce my libido? From about halfway through my wife’ s pregnancy and continuing after the birth, my wife''s libido has dropped to virtually zero. I know it sounds like bs, but from an average of twice a day it has dropped to once maybe twice a week. I have tried various things, from all sorts of romantic gestures, different massaging techniques, different ways of starting and doing foreplay, different times, asked nicely, begged, pleaded, but to no avail. On various occasions and in various ways I have asked what the problem is. She then apologises profoundly, and says that she will try anything. About 2 months ago she asked that I put a “ reminder”  on our phones for a “ special evening”  every second day, but when I try anything she gets annoyed or I just get a cold shoulder with different excuses. Around the same time she went and bought libido enhancing pills for herself that does seem to help, but I’ m not actually sure she takes them as there is only 6 missing of the 30 pills after 2 months. I get the impression that she says whatever is necessary to “ shut me up”  and does not really think there is a problem or does not realise the serious drop in frequency. It is now approximately 8 months later and it is putting a lot of stress on our relationship. In an effort to reduce the stress on our relationship, I would prefer to rather reduce my libido temporarily and enjoy the other aspects of our relationship without the pressure of the sex issue. Please help.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Hi C & F

The one thing to expect when you are expecting, and after birth is a reduced frequency of sexual activity. There are many reasons for why a pregnant, and recently pregnant woman would be less interested in sex during this time, including fatigue, change in hormones, nausea, change in body shape, heartburn and anxiety over the safety of the pregnancy.

As a couple you will be adjusting from a relatively free life, to a life carrying the responsibility that comes with all the joys and challenges of having a new baby. In keeping with this, you will need to adjust your expectations for sex, and perhaps adjust the nature of sexual activity (eg moving from penetrative to non-penetrative sex) and above all keep communicating with your wife all the time. It is equally important for her to understand your feelings, and how the arrival of the baby has changed things for you. A man can often feel marginalized in the first several months after birth, and especially feels this absence when sexual activity diminishes. If this is your situation, then find ways of clearly communicating this to your spouse.

Your current frequency of sexual activity is above average for the stage you are at, so perhaps don't get too caught up in the issue of sexual frequency. Maintain intimacy, keep up your care and consideration, be involved with the care of the baby, this will nurture your relationship during this temporary lull in sexual activity and in all like likelihood help it to increase.

It would be preferable to control your libido without medication, but there are testosterone blockers and other medications that can reduce libido. You should discuss these with your doctor only if absolutely necessary.
Good luck
Anthony – SASHA. For further information please consult SASHA’S website at For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Concerned and Frustrated | 2012-09-03

Dear Sexologist, XXX &  Lady Luck,
Thank you for your comments and advise. I forgot to mention that this is our 3rd child. With the previous kids WE decided to stop about a month before the birth, and her libido returned “ fully”  approximately 6 weeks after the birth. I am not one of those men that come home from work, sit on the couch, watch TV and wait for my food and a drink. We employed a full-time (sleeping in) “ assistant”  to do housework and help with the other kids. In the sort time I had, I managed to save enough so my wife can go on 3 months (unpaid) maternity leave. During this time I took on the responsibility of taking our other kids to school, so my wife can sleep in. I make dinner every 2nd evening and still stand up every time the baby needs attention. The only time I wake my wife is for feeding. I suffer from Insomnia and only sleep 2 –  6 hours per night anyway but found making love to be a brilliant “ sleeping pill”  (as a rule I do not like drinking pills). Although I was aware that we are “ above average” , it still does not help my frustration, but I will take that into consideration before moaning again and for the time being continue to take matters into my own hands. I also need to apologise to my wife (even though I hope she never finds out I posted this). The libido enhancing pills she is taking is the second bottle and called “ Women''s Choice Intimacy” .

Reply to Concerned and Frustrated
Posted by: Lady Luck | 2012-08-31

I totally agree with XXX.

Consider yourself lucky that you get lucky twice a week.

If I may ask, what is the name of the libido enhancing pills she bought?

Reply to Lady Luck
Posted by: XXX | 2012-08-31

It is not unusual for a woman to have less of a sex drive after giving birth to a child.All the stresses associated with caring for the baby ,plus probably doing most of the housework and probably a full time job,this contributes towards her being tired and therefore not in the mood.
If you are still getting it twice a week you can consider yourself fortunate.
Ensure you are doing your share of looking after the baby and general housework so she too can have some " me"  time.

Reply to XXX

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