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Question
Posted by: Kasandra | 2010/05/11

Recovering

Hi Cybie, long time no speak. Hope all is well on your side and that you have the hot chocolate ready for winter.

I often wonder if you ever fully recover from rape, eating disorder? The progress I have made in my life is remarkable BUT it feels like you will never really fully recover. The emotions and feelings are always there, waiting to strike you when you least expect. The love and hate relationship I have with my body is a continued battle.

My one week feeling on top of the world and other week down in the pit moods also gets me down.

I was reading the earlier post of the woman now 33 who suspects she made have been raped when younger and now only remembering. Being date raped when 18 and passed out I can''t remember much expect the evidence afterwards and through out the years in certain intimate situations I would totally freak out. In some ways I think the brain protects you in blocking things out but it never forgets.

IT never ever FORGETS.

I often just feel so abnormal.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello Kassie !
I think Recovery occurs ( in the sense of moving beyond a pre-occupation with the previous troubles, not forgetting them but enjoying other aspects of life ) ; but Cure is rare indeed, and too often expected.
One needs to explore, when one has made remakable progress but feels the task is incomplete - what specifically more one is expecting to achieve.
Rather than viewing the emotional recollections as like ravening beasts moving around in the dark and always waiting to pounce ; its more usful to see them as simply emotional memories, which are more uncomfortable than the factual memories, but which no longer need to be given the power to hurt us again.
And in regard to your feelings towards your body, remember that your body did nothing wrong - it was sinned against, and was not the sinner.
You don't forget what happened ( leave aside the complication that if you were drugged or otherwise passed out, there will be a chunk of events which were not able to get recorded in memory ) but one does not NEED to recall the details. Even though you don't forget it, that does't mean you are always recalling it. I like the word "recall" as i remin ds us that because it is impossible to hold in mind everything that happened even yesterday, we call back details when we need them.
If you ask me specifically, I can remember where I went to primary school and the major facts of that and some incidents - they're in my memory, but are rarely useful, so like some of the books on my shelves, I don't often take them out and read them again. There's a relevant difference between not choosing to, or needing to remember something and having it blocked from memory and impossible to recall. And never forget (!) that Forgetting happens, and is normal, healthy and handy. And forgetting is different from the theoretical idea of repressing or otherwise being unable to recall.
And you're normal - in a way you're suffering from aspects of your normalcy.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/05/11

Hello Kassie !
I think Recovery occurs ( in the sense of moving beyond a pre-occupation with the previous troubles, not forgetting them but enjoying other aspects of life ) ; but Cure is rare indeed, and too often expected.
One needs to explore, when one has made remakable progress but feels the task is incomplete - what specifically more one is expecting to achieve.
Rather than viewing the emotional recollections as like ravening beasts moving around in the dark and always waiting to pounce ; its more usful to see them as simply emotional memories, which are more uncomfortable than the factual memories, but which no longer need to be given the power to hurt us again.
And in regard to your feelings towards your body, remember that your body did nothing wrong - it was sinned against, and was not the sinner.
You don't forget what happened ( leave aside the complication that if you were drugged or otherwise passed out, there will be a chunk of events which were not able to get recorded in memory ) but one does not NEED to recall the details. Even though you don't forget it, that does't mean you are always recalling it. I like the word "recall" as i remin ds us that because it is impossible to hold in mind everything that happened even yesterday, we call back details when we need them.
If you ask me specifically, I can remember where I went to primary school and the major facts of that and some incidents - they're in my memory, but are rarely useful, so like some of the books on my shelves, I don't often take them out and read them again. There's a relevant difference between not choosing to, or needing to remember something and having it blocked from memory and impossible to recall. And never forget (!) that Forgetting happens, and is normal, healthy and handy. And forgetting is different from the theoretical idea of repressing or otherwise being unable to recall.
And you're normal - in a way you're suffering from aspects of your normalcy.

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